A few words on me being a Dad
First off let me say happy father’s day to all the dads out there, keep up the good work, because being a dad is not easy, and with that we are off on another adventure in the mind of Dan Kline. I have over the years raised my children to the best of my ability, with that being said sometimes I wasn’t a very nice father; I had four children to help raise and a job, a wife, bills and all the everyday stress that comes along with being a husband and a father. I did know that I wasn’t going to be the type of father that I had, I would have rather have killed myself than to be like him. But I have to say looking back over the time when it was Michael, Daniel and Tiffany at the house I did do some things that did remind me of my father or at least I thought so, but I tailored it to my way of thinking, that might not make any sense to you but it is very clear to me, I was not abusive, I was stern and I was a hard ass but I had to be or so I thought. My children were a mix of hers and mine, so it was an interesting time to say the least. Now it is a mix of hers, mine and ours, now comes the good times. Like I said I was stern and a bit of a hard ass and I did discipline my children, and it paid off my children were always heralded as the most well behaved and most mature for their age, and I do take some credit for that. But this is not really what I want to talk about. I felt that in order to make them the best that they could be that I had to be hard and soft at the same time. Some of the discipline was corporal I did spank my children and I did use my tricks of discipline from the military, I did get in their face and yell at them and I used some stupid discipline tricks from the military as well, did I say that twice I think so, I used mountain climbers, these you have to see to believe, go to your local armory and I am sure someone will show what they are but beware they might make you do them, and I used the trick of putting their back against the wall and having them squat like they were sitting in a chair until they fell from exhaustion and pain, hey you try doing that last one and see how long you last it aint easy, trust me I have had to do it myself on several occasions. I did lose my temper and smack them upside the head, I was far from perfect and I knew that and yet my children loved me for who I am and who I was. You see even then, though I didn’t know it I was battling with the issues that I have now they weren’t as pronounced or as visible but they were there none the less, it wasn’t until recently that they became impossible to control, I am not using this as an excuse as to how I treated my children, not at all. I even came up with the 1001(most of it made up right on the spot) really stupid chores to do list that would have them cringing whenever I brought it up, like cutting the entire front yard with a pair of scissors and a ruler or digging a hole to certain dimensions and then when it was finished they had to refill the hole like it was never there, I will never figure out where they got the grass from that last time I had Michael and Daniel do that one, you see in their little ways they got back at me for being a dick. But they are smart and I taught them how to think for themselves, and how be just enough of a smart ass to not piss me off, and I have to say that it has served them well over the years, I say all of this to get to this point right here in my life as a father.
Dylan, now Dylan is a different breed of child, first he is the youngest and his brothers and sister have all been out of the house for years now so he is an only child. Dealing with my anger and my issues have been difficult for him and with his mother being sick it is even harder on him, and so I find myself letting a lot slip through the cracks with him, things that the other kids would have done and caused a shit storm, with him I just let go, and I find it coming back to bite me in the ass. I will tell you what I mean and it is a small thing but with me it is always the small things that send me through the roof. I was in the kitchen crushing pop cans and found that there were 3 of them that were half full, and not emptied out and I knew who did it and I sat them back down on the counter(remind me to go back in there and put them in the can bag) walked into his room and there he was with headphones stuck in his ears playing some damn game on his computer, now understand I am not pissed at him at this point it is nothing but disappointment, so there I stand in the door way watching and waiting for him to notice my presence and when he finally did and took one ear phone out and asked me what I wanted, I told him about the cans, the first words out of his mouth were I didn’t do that. Bullshit you are the only one in this house that does that, still not raising my voice I tell him that he doesn’t do a damn thing around here, well I went in a verbal tirade which I will not bore you to death with, I will instead give an edited version. I told him that he needed to help out around the house even if it was to only keep his room clean and make his bed, to also not do things half way, and to put things back when he is done with them. I will tell you this part I told him I wasn’t mad, or even a little angry I asked him what he thought I was feeling and he sad disappointed, bingo right on the nose. And I am right the little shit doesn’t do a damn thing around here but mess shit up and leave his shit everywhere, and I see his nanny picking up after him. If that had been one of the other children I would have waylaid them, they would have been yelled at punished and who knows what else. You see Gerri’s mother doesn’t have to let us live here, she does it because she loves her daughter and grandson, me I think she tolerates me, but seriously she doesn’t have to let us live here, she has lived by herself for so long and is so set in her ways that it aint funny, she like things a certain way and I know it bothers her to have to put shit up and pick up after Dylan, I mean I try but he is 12 years old for Christ sake he should be picking up after himself. Oh this one gets me I asked him if there was one thing in his room or of his stuff that he cared about, you know what he said, his XBOX, not only does he have an XBOX, he has an iPod, a laptop, designer sneakers and clothes and pretty much every nerf gun ever made, but he doesn’t give a shit about anything he owns, he will drop his laptop on the floor, and leave his iPod outside and his nerf guns, he just does not care and he thinks that we will replace it or his nanny will, fuck that I say if he fucks any of those things up he don’t get another, ask him why he don’t have a bike to ride, no wait I will tell you, because he was told to bring it in every night and put it in the spare room, we didn’t have a garage or a shed for him to put it in, so he was supposed to bring it in the house, it was a 400.00 dollar bike that he got for Christmas from his nanny, I would have bought him a 100 dollar wal-mart special. But he wanted that bike and he got it, nothing I can do about that. Well he “forgot” to bring it one night and it was gone the next morning, we didn’t live in the worst neighborhood but this kind of thing happens all over the place, and now I will not replace it till he decides to start taking care of the things he owns. And it looks like the next thing he will get will have to bought with his own money because he has yet to show me he can take care of anything. The point I am making here is this I treat Dylan different than I treated the others and it shows, where as they took care of their things he doesn’t, were they picked up after themselves he doesn’t, were they would do something if it needed to be done without having to be told to he doesn’t. I have tried to get him to the dishes several times while we have been here, he knows how to do dishes, most kids do by the time they are 10, but not Dylan he fucks around, goes to the bathroom 1200 times, walks around piddling with shit till it makes his nanny a nervous wreck and she ends up just doing them, damn I wish we had a barn I would take his little ass out behind it and tan it for him. But see here is the thing I don’t want to be that dad anymore it takes energy that I just don’t have any more, but as time goes by I can see what is happening to my son and it makes me angry. I feel like I have let him down somehow by not instilling in him the ethics and morals that I drilled into the others heads. It has come back to bite me in the ass, have I said that once already, I might have. So I have to sit here and think about how I can still try to maintain my sanity while at the same time teaching some well deserved values and morals to my son. Like I said I don’t want to go back to military dad, but I will if I can find no other recourse. My wife can’t help she is too sick and nanny well nanny is in her own little world and it is not her responsibility anyways it is mine. To be honest I feel like going in there and taking everything he has and putting it in my room and not letting him have anything for awhile and see how he likes that, just leave him a bed and four walls and nothing else. So what do I do, he can’t be like this anymore, what kind of adult will he turn out to be, and all of it is my fault, he is smart, so smart and I know he has ADHD and I can understand how hard that can be for a child, hell I have ADD myself, and he uses the excuse well I don’t have my medicine, ok well the medicine is not a crutch it is not a cure all, it is to help him not cure him, and he doesn’t use the coping skills we have tried to teach him, it’s always oh I forgot or it slipped my mind or I don’t know where that is, so what I beg of you what do I do with him. I can’t let this go on any farther, I swear it will make him into a fucked up adult. His mouth is going to really get him in trouble and has on several occasions, you really want to piss me off back talk your mother or grandmother, that will get you hit so hard in the head it will flip you over, and yet it happens usually out of my hearing but it happens and I swear if I hear or even think that he is going to do that I will straight up whack him in the back of the head, a Gibbs slap with prejudice. This is me reaching out to all of you to please give me advice on what to do, I don’t want to go back to military dad.