Feelings to regret


As I sit here pondering the events of the last several days, not feeling a little betrayed, it has come to knowledge, and dismay, that all of the troubles that I have been apparently having may have stemmed from the one person that I thought would never betray me. Now these are assumptions and we all what assumptions are like assholes everybody makes them and some smell like shit. But be that as it may, just follow me for a little bit and maybe I will see if this rings true or not. I have known this person for several years and have been the type of friends that are nay on impossible to separate. As I have shared in my other post this is the well-intentioned other person, I have always thought that I could depend on this other person, my best friend with my life and all my secrets, and well I have, I have told him everything especially pertaining to my disorder and my battles with the SSI Administration, hell he has even driven me to my lawyers once or twice. Well enough ruminating let us get to the evidence at hand.

There are only two other people who both he and I share a history with that would create a problem like this, one is a former Navy buddy and former best friend, we separated on fairly good terms and have been friendly whenever we have had the occasion to meet in public always asking after the other and our respective families, we are and will always civil to one another. Now the other is a woman who I had met through Gerri(my wife), she had worked with Gerri for a number of years and the two of them had developed a friendship, not in so much of a best friend kind of friendship, but non the less a friendship. As time went on we all had been to each others houses to BBQ’s and parties and such, well I introduced her to Patrick my former navy buddy and best friend, well needless to say they developed a relationship for which I am glad, they genuinely seemed to like each other, good. Well that fell apart several months later as Patrick is a bit of a player and not a little bit odd in his own way, now this could mean that I feel Patrick was not sure of his sexuality and not being one to judge I never chanced the occasion to talk with him about this. Ok on to the next now this is the point in my story that Patrick and I had our falling out, now I am not going to go into that this is a story for another day. Well then  as was our custom with this other woman(Cathy) we still spent time together and still frequented each others houses at which point she and my brother Ramon had suddenly developed feelings for each other, well we can see where this is going can’t we, well needless to say that this is going to be a long narrative if I continue in this way so to make a long story short and for my sanity as well I will explain it this way. She(Cathy) has dated all of my best friends including the well-intentioned one that I started this blog about. Let me recant some of that last statement the only one of my friends that she hasn’t slept with is Schmitty, ok got that on record. Now these are the only two people who the well-intentioned friend and I have in common that would more than likely cause this sort of drama, and in the matters of course I have contacted both of them and explained what has been going on while not trying to go into much detail, I frankly asked if they had called my afore-mentioned well intentive friend and were they asking questions about me that concern what I will call a sensitive nature and if they had been on my wifes facebook page in the last several days. Now I don’t think I can say with a clear conscious that either one of them would lie to me but neither one hesitated when I asked questions of them, both said a flat-out NO. Now you see my quandary, so I started to question others that the well-intentioned friend and I have also gotten in common, well that is Heather, once again Heather and you know who had dated in the past and needless to say you know who strung Heather along, especially since Heather lives in another town about 45 minutes away from here. Well we started talking and she was telling me a story that was in relation to my problem, the well-intentioned friend had told her in bed one night that there was nothing wrong with me that all I needed to do was go back to work and drink beer with him, hmmmm. If you will remember in my other post” This is what follows” these were the exact same things he was telling me that others had said and no he did not mention any names and well him being my best friend and telling me that he bitched them out and told them to mind their own business, I fully accepted what he was telling me as fact. Ok do you see where I am going with this.

Here is where my problem lies (lays??), do I take the word of my best friend and believe him or do I take the word of a woman he used to sleep with, who just happens to be my wifes best friend. Do I count the fact that he is not telling me the names of the people who are supposed to be talking about me? Do I take the facts as I see them and come to the conclusion that he maybe upset that I am now getting disability and he has to work, hopefully he would understand that I would rather work than rely on disability to provide me with some sort of income. I don’t know people, I have given the facts as I have them and I still don’t know that if either is the truth, should I just let this go and chalk it up to ignorance and intolerance or do I confront the well-intentioned friend and demand that he tell me who has been calling and asking / telling him these things. Ah fuck this I feel like I am talking out of the left side of my mouth, it comes down to this people do I go with what my best friend is saying or do I go with the thing that is telling that he is wrong. I don’t fucking know.

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