Let me tell you about my son

Ya I know another blog from Dan, two in one day, really who does this guy think he is? Well it is true I return once again to you to put my heart and soul on the line to allow myself to have a place where I can put my thoughts out there for other  people to read, discuss, dismiss or even trash them. I don’t care you see, this isn’t really about you it is about me. I am not saying that I will not listen to anyones advice or that I wont even consider another’s opinion, but you have to accept that this is about me, not you, some will say this is selfish and there are those of you who will not understand, this is about healing me not you. I invite you to come along through this journey of mine and to consider what I have written and will write as a bit of self-expression.

Ok so it is not up to date, and he would be pissed about that but I think it is a good picture

My son, Dylan is a wonderfully gifted in the fact that he is compassionate, caring, understanding, and a complete pain in the ass most of the time, he lets his mouth shoot off in the wrong place and times, he has an opinion about everything even if he is not part of what is going on. He can be stubborn and bull-headed and at times doesn’t wear a shirt to the dinner table(we are working on that one), but I love him, he makes me laugh and he helps, and this is one of the big things, he helps take care of his mother. My wife has been ill since September of last year and as you know she has COPD, during this whole time that she has been sick Dylan has slept right next to her on the floor of all places just so he can be near her if she needs anything. Now we both have told him that it is not his job to take care of his mother  that it is me and his mother that will take care of her. I have told him numerous times that he has a bedroom that he has a bed and he needs to use it to get some rest. I wonder will he develop some of the same problems as his father when he too becomes and adult. That I was here and I would not let anything happen to momma, and he does go to his room but in the morning regardless I will find him close to his mother and sleeping on the floor. I have since stopped trying to make him sleep in his room, I know that I will inevitably find him come the morning right next to his mother. I don’t begrudge him this anymore I understand that he is worried about his mother and quite frankly in this area he is going to do what he is going to do.

He put out on his facebook the other day that he was tired, I replied what time did you go to sleep, he said 2:36 am, I replied jokingly that what was he up that late looking at porn, and that maybe I needed to upgrade the parental rights on his computer. His reply floored me and it increased my love and understanding of how he is dealing with this situation at home, his reply simply stated that he was awake making sure that his mother was still breathing and was not dead. This coming from a 12-year-old whose only issues should be what game to play, where will he ride his bike to today, can he go over to his friend’s house to play. But no, here is a child that is staying awake just to make sure his mother is not dead. Is or will this create a trauma point in his life, god I hope not. I have to try harder, perhaps it should be me sleeping on the floor next to his mother if that would give him some peace of mind. When we were staying with friends they could not understand why Dylan would sleep next to his mother, I tried to explain it to them but they just complained that he was in the middle of the floor and was in the way. It was their house but I told them that if Dylan wanted to sleep next to his mother then Dylan was going to sleep right next to his mother no matter if they thought he was in the way, or that it bothered them in the least.

Now my son has his own unique set of issues in the fact that he has ADHD and all the issues that go along with that, no small matter his days are hard enough but add-on top of that the fact that he fears that his mother is going to die during the night if he isn’t awake and that adds a whole new dimension to things, don’t you think? I am not sure if my wife and I should discuss therapy for him or not, it may help him and at his age he might not be open to such a suggestion, but is something that I will bring up to both his mother and grandmother. Part of what I want you to know about my son is that I love him and no I am not as hard on him as I was his brothers and sisters, and of course they resent the hell out of that, but he lives in a unique situation one that I don’t think that his brothers and sister could handle or appreciate, not only does he have to deal with the thoughts he has of his mother he has to deal with a father who has his own set of limitations, and no I don’t make him do as many chores as the others had and no my discipline for him is different from theirs, but look at what he has to live with, there is nothing outside of that, that could be harder to live with even as an adult let alone a 12-year-old boy. He has my respect and admiration. And to his brothers and sister well, leave well enough alone you thought you had a rough upbringing, but you never had this to deal with, so leave well enough alone.

I will add this though, in the last few days he has developed or had some kind of rash or dots on his face or body and that they itch, we have been giving him allergy medicine and thou it makes him sleep it does seem to help the rash. But I have to wonder if it isn’t his body’s way of dealing with the stress that he has been under.


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