Today 6/11/2012

Today I have to go downtown to the SSA office, that in itself is no big deal. But what the problem is, is that in the last three days I have been unable to get any decent sleep, I lay there tossing and turning until the wee hours of the morning and in the case of last night I didn’t crash to sleep until 8am this morning, I slept for about 2 hours and then was right back up again. Now what does this have to do with me going to the SSA office? Well first I am tired and that makes me prone to anxiety attacks. I don’t even want to go, just the thought of it makes me anxious, I am also more prone to have a black out. I am also very vulnerable and that in its self makes me switch more easily, I know that I have DID but I don’t want the rest of the world to see it, I am going to appear normal to everyone else. I have to get ready soon, and I don’t think I will make my bed today, you see I just don’t care. I don’t think I will even shave or take a shower, nope not happening, I just do care. I need the energy from not doing these things to help me with just the trip. And really it wouldn’t normally be that bad of a trip, but to do it in my state of mind will take every bit of energy I have just to complete this simple task. I am tired, and I have to go to this appointment or screw myself and my family, which I won’t allow to happen. So I will let you know what happened later in the PM, hell maybe it will wear me out enough that I will sleep when I get home. I don’t even have the energy to find an appropriate pic and jot down some lines for it, sorry people.

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