Love and other such things

I was reading a friends blog today about “I SIT AND I WONDER” from and I responded to this post as honestly as I could about the experiences of my own marriage and it got me wondering(hence the title of her blog) and so I decided to write a small(hopefully) blog about marriage and the things that go on in my marriage. And I hope my wife forgives me for this but I feel it is important to tell what happens in a marriage that is abundant with love, strife and illness. Just to let others know how we have handled the whole affair and that is has made, for me our love and marriage stronger. I will share with you my reply to her post here,

ok so in this pic I gotta big head and it was taken in a bar, what can I say honey like to dance, even by herself, and yes we were tipsy as I am smiling(if you can call that a smile) and rarely do that, but a good pic of us none the less, and yes I am going bald and keep my hair short still in the military fashion I have worn for years so stop laughing damnit

In order for a marriage to work there has to be mutual love, sharing, communication and no little amount of understanding. You see my wife and I have been together for 14 years and in those 14 years we have slammed together like the waves of a pounding surf and have also felt the loneliness when tides take us apart like the water from the shore. We have wondered if we are still in love with each other and we have wondered if we should be with the other, that is part of marriage, it does happen, but then a miracle happens it could be as small as a touch in passing a well deserved hug or even that glance from across the room that reaffirms the love you feel for each other, It doesn’t have to be anything huge, it never seems to be about sex, for us it is always, somehow a thing that happens at the right moment, and in that moment we fall deeply, madly in love again, it can happen anywhere and at anytime. So my advice, and please take it with a grain of salt, is this look often, smile just to smile, and just touch each other in passing, just something small like the caress on the back of the hand can send a message louder than words that you would yell to the heavens. Our life is not easy right now and some things are taken for granted such as the love we feel for each other, we are in no place were we can share any intimate time, not necessarily sex but just that little amount of time that you can spend holding, talking, laughing and just being together, it just isn’t possible, but I can and do give her a hug and as my wife always says you can’t give a hug without getting a hug, or just touch her as I walk by to let her know that I am still here and that I love her. I added the part about giving and getting hugs, it wasn’t a part of the original reply.

And I felt that my reply was one of the most honest things that I have written in my life, because it is true, it doesn’t always have to be about sex, I am not saying that, that is not great, you always need some physical attraction between each other. And having raised 4 children, those of you who are parents will understand this better than single people, making love becomes an art, you get it when and where you can and yes it is usually done and over with quickly, but what is done is quality. And as we have gotten older and have fewer children in the house, well it is still done that way, you learn what the other likes and you learn fast, and somethings are hard to change, even though we have the time to slow down and enjoy each others company a little better now. Well we still have Dylan and when we do take the time to enjoy each others company a little slower, it still doesn’t work, you see Dylan has this uncanny sense to knock on the door just at the right time. I compare it to my bathroom time, I haven’t gone to the bathroom by myself in almost 15 years, well maybe that will be another post. But in all honesty marriage is about the little things that I described in my reply to hastywords, the small things make it all the better, just touching, maybe a little kiss in the hall in passing, touching the back of her hand at the dinner table or rubbing your hands across her shoulders as she does the dishes or what ever. Contact just contact, it lets the other person know you are there and that you love them no matter what. One of the little things we do is hold hands, especially when we are going somewhere, like walking into the grocery store or riding in the car. I cannot stress enough that it is the small things, especially when you are not able to be as intimate as you want. Right now our living situation doesn’t allow for us to be as intimate as we want to be, I mean we are living with her mother and with her being as sick as she has been to say that it has been put to the side for a bit that is okay, we know that we can’t be physical but that doesn’t stop the love that we share for each other and we still let each other know in our own little ways how we feel. It is funny because we barely spend any time with each other she is in the living room and I spend most of my time in my bedroom, the living room is just uncomfortable to me, it could be how it is laid out or just that it is not my living room I don’t know, all I know is that it makes me uncomfortable. but that is where my wife spends most of her time, ok well all of it. But and here is the funny part we will use MS messenger when we want to talk to each other, yes I know it is not face to face but when she wants to tell me something we use it. And no I don’t sequester myself in the room I do go in there just not for very long at a time, I would rather be in the kitchen or other places, if that tells you how uncomfortable it is to me. Hell the house is so small when my son farts in his room I can hear it, I mean really.

We will be together till we are old and grey, and picture ourselves on the front porch swinging in the swing together some day. We make plans for our future and we work towards those goals. I do have to tell you that those plans have been put on hold for a bit till she gets better, but they are still there and we still talk about them and we still dream about them every day. And we know they will come true someday.

My wife has been a god send to me especially over the last several years, well all the years really, but lately she has been very understanding and caring as I go through the trials of my illness, and she has been there every step of the way, holding my hand, letting me cry, allowing me to rage against an unjust world and then helping to pick up the pieces afterwords. She has been the rock in my life always even before all of this started, she has been the primary care giver the whole time we have been together, working, cleaning, helping the children and well-doing everything, not that I didn’t work, no I did and I worked a lot, my job was never a 9-5 type of job, I was there sometimes till midnight or later depending on the deadline for the job, well in 2008 was the last time I had worked, and well that is a whole entire other blog and man it will be angry. In 2008 Gerri became the sole provider for the entire family, talk about putting the weight of the world on someones shoulders, but she did it right up till September of last year, and know this, I had tried to work several times during this period but my illness always and I do mean always interfered. Well in September of 2011 my wife got sick with bronchitis, and she had it every year that I that I had known her, and we figured this year would be no different she would be off for a few weeks and she would get better and return to work, it didn’t happen that way this time, she just kept getting sicker and sicker until the day she went to the doctors and passed out in the hallway and they admitted her to the hospital, and well the rest is history, Well it looks like I have gotten off subject again as I usually do, but I know you understand, at least I hope you understand and will now get back to my subject.

Do what ever you can to let the person in your life know that you love them, you don’t have to buy roses or jewelry(that stuff is great), but remember the little things, a look, a caress, holding hands, a small kiss even on the cheek will let your significant other know you are still there and that you love them. If you get nothing more than that out of this blog, that would be the thing I want you to remember, the little things.


Tell me what you think.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: