Well, what did I expect

I have taken most of this day to look back at the 50 odd posts that I written on this blog and have come to a decision, I am full of shit, no, no really I have written some fairly decent post and some that should have been deleted before publishing. But I didn’t I placed them out here for me to read over and over again and for you to read as well. I have to say that one thing that has hit me the most about my posts is the self-pity, I read it in every word on every post. Poor me I am angry, I have DID, I have anxiety and depression and lets not forget to mention PTSD. I have posted many stories but have yet to tell a complete story, if you catch my drift. On some of them I realize that it would take forever to tell the whole story, but on others I don’t really seem to have a point or sometimes even a subject, or even a direction. It is just me whining about being me. And all of you have been so gracious and more understanding than you have a right to be for even reading this dribble I call a blog.

it is me just me and no one else

It seems I follow from emotion to emotion and never really give you a glimpse of who I really am or what it is like to live a day in my world, I don’t even give you any real pertinent information except to reveal that I am a whiner, and have really never told you about myself in any detail except for what you can gleam from my rambling ass posts, which is not very much at all. If I could I would start this whole thing over and begin with just me, and tell you just about me no matter how long it is, I would tell you about my childhood and how  grew up, what age I left home and how many times I returned, but never to the same place twice. I would tell you more about my other son who I have yet to even talk about here, I would tell you more about my wife, well I have spoken a lot about her the one and only thing I got right in this mess of shit. I would tell you about how I came to be the person that I am now, about the experiences that have led me to the place that I am in, and the why also. I would just start at the beginning and go straight to now, no side tracks, no rants, no spats of anger, just tell the story of me, Dan Kline. That is what I want to do, and here comes some more whining am I ready to do this, I think that if I want to continue writing this blog I have to, I just need to tell the story of me and only me not my father or mother or anyone else just me. I am not so remarkable as I think, I am just me. So please bear with me for a bit and I will see if I can do just that, write about me not emotions, not the diagnosis or any of that, and yes I will still write then impossible bullshit that comes into my mind all of the time, but for once just tell about me.

And so I began, and I sat here thinking of away to write about just me without all the shit that comes with me, and I sat then the idea came to me to just ask myself questions about me, ok that didnt work, so i sat some more and I thought some more, and I did write about me but once again it didnt turn out the way I thought it would, and then I came across this post from a fellow blogger http://halfwaybetweenthegutter.wordpress.com/2012/06/17/the-sense-of-self/
and I read what she had to say on this subject and it hit me after I had read this, that this blog is not about getting to know me, my like and dislikes and other some odd shit, this blog is about my thought process, I am doing this instead of writing in my journal which is as cluttered and makes no more sense than this blog does and that is the way it will continue for as long as i choose to do it, and along the way if someone happens to find my botched up mind fascinating or funny or they feel the way i do or hell even if they just like some of the photos i have posted then that is ok, not a single person that follows my blog has said one word about the content or about the way I write, except me, and for some reason i felt that i had let you down in some way or another because I thought you knew nothing about me, and yet you do know about me you know a lot of my little secrets my fears my hopes and my dreams, and yet i still felt compelled to write about who I am so that you know. And I did write about me and it turned into a disaster like most things I write. I will post it for you only because i can and want to, not out of any sense of whether you get to know the supposed Dan Kline. you have seen into my soul and you know who i am.

Tell me what you think.

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