Tired of talking and feeling like I get nowhere

Well it seems that no matter what I do or say I am wrong, and today I am wrong because I am asking for a little more help around the house. As I have told you we live with my mother in law and yes she is set in her ways and likes things done a certain way and no I never seem to get it just the way she wants and I can live with that, I am trying to help out. I try to do the dishes after dinner most nights and on Sundays I try to help out with doing the dishes and putting the food away, just trying to do something that takes a little bit of pressure off of my mother in law. Now we all know that Gerri is sick and cannot do much and I fully understand that, but she can help out in one way, when you go to the kitchen to get a drink or a snack take the garbage and shit you already have laying around with you and put it in the garbage, it doesn’t take any more energy to do that than what you are using to move into the kitchen in the first place. We started to have this conversation over messenger and I wasn’t going to make that mistake twice, so I got up and went into the living room so that I could explain how it was that I was feeling and what I thought we should do about it. Well once again it feels like to me that I am not able to make someone else understand how I am feeling, it comes across as harsh and judgmental or that is the way it seems to be perceived to me, am I not capable of putting words together that can make any damn sense, I thought so, but now I am not so sure. My wife seemed to take offense at what I was trying to explain to her about how I feel, and once again I fully realize I will get a scathing response from her on my blog as I try to work out exactly where I feel I went wrong with my ability to communicate my feelings to others. All I want is for us to do a little more around here to justify our living here, her mother does it all, she cooks, cleans, does the laundry (I don’t mind laundry but when the washer and dryer are smarter than I am and communicate with each other I tend to shy away from that, and they are new and I am sure she don’t want me giving them personalities, which I think would be cool since they communicate with each other why can’t they talk to us?) hell she does everything around her, and yes I do understand that she wants things done her way and to her standards, but does that mean we can’t pick up after ourselves, no we are adults and a preteen that understand the concept of cleaning up after ourselves, especially me and Gerri, now Dylan on the other hand is just plain lazy I have had numerous talks with the boy over keeping his room clean, picking up after himself and if you get something out put it back where you found it and a new one I am going to bring up is to stay out of his grandmothers stuff.

As I am trying my best to explain to my wife just what my frustrations are, I realize that I feel like I am not getting my point across, so now I am getting upset, not mad yet but just upset, she asks me several times what I think she can do about it, well I tell her to do whatever she can, she knows her limitations and what she can and cannot do. I also tell her that I need her help with Dylan, and that he needs to do more around here like the dishes and not piddle dick around to the point that he makes his grandmother irritable and she ends up doing his job herself, I know he does this on purpose and I outta smack him in the head for it, but my wife’s response to getting Dylan to do the dishes is for me to give him more direction and to stand over him and make him do them the right way, well fuck he did dishes at the house and did them just fine and he did them at the country and did them alright, he fucked around a lot and he was slow but he did them.

I am getting tired of having the same conversation and feeling like I am getting nowhere, not with him and not with her. So I have decided that I will do all the things that they either wont or are not able to do, me I will do the whole fucking thing. I am the responsible one, I am responsible for my wife and her actions and I am responsible for my son and his actions. I am getting nowhere talking to him and I feel like my concerns are falling on deaf ears when I talk to my wife, I would like to feel that she is listening to me but I get negative feedback from her. Nobody gets it, I am only able to do so much myself and yet I am pushed into doing it all now. And I am taking full responsibility for my actions I am not going to sit and harp anymore that I need help because I am not going to get it. It doesn’t matter that there are going to be days when I just can’t do anything, there are going to be days where I am angry and defensive, there are going to be days where I just want to sit and cry and stare out the windows, but yet I can’t I have to do all the things that I can around here and slowly go insane from my own conditions and problems, I am going to have to once again sweep them to the side and do what I feel is necessary to feel like I am justified or justifying my place here, this post will cause a huge stink with my wife and that is fine, I don’t feel like she was listening to me and I needed to put my feelings and thoughts somewhere and here is where I am putting them. Thank you for reading this rant or this please feel sorry for me post, it is not that I wanted to come off that way but I feel that it has.


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