Rekindling an old friendship, fellowship in fear and anger

So let’s talk you and I, what do you want to talk about?

Well let’s talk about you and me for starters.

Ok what about you and me?

When did we first meet?

When I was a very young boy and was very scared of the world around me. Would you like to put a year and a place to it? I don’t think that I can. It was a very long time ago.

Why did I first appear?

You first appeared because I was unable to deal with the things that were happening to me and my family. You sheltered me from the fear giver and showed me how to be as unobtrusive as I could possibly be. A mouse in a great big house.

Did you know my name right away or did it come to you later in?

I think, I have always known your name, but you having a name was scary for me, if you had a name then you were real, and that meant you were really there but I could not see you.

If I wasn’t really there who thought you all the coping skills you acquired?

You did, you warned me when the fear giver was in the mood and reminded me of things that I could or couldn’t do to keep the fear giver away from me, or showed me how to slip past the fear giver so he could not see me and I could escape to the outdoors and hide in the woods until it was safe.

So you agree that I did teach you these things, correct?

Why are you asking these questions in that tone of voice, what have I done wrong to make you doubt my belief. I know you have been there for me at different times in my life with the quick warning, and the staying of my hand. There were also times I didn’t need you so I thought you had fled from my mind to help someone other than me, or at least I hoped you did.

I never left you, I knew you would need me the rest of our life, and you need me now whether you want to believe it or not. The anger you have manifested has run completely through your mind and body and is eating at your very soul. You didn’t think I wouldn’t come and save you again?

If I need saving then you have to be real at least in my mind, you cannot exist any other place and that scares me more than it did when I was a child, I am a grow man, I need to do this the right way and not hide from it or defend from it, and yet I sit here in fear and do nothing.

this is what i picture in my mind that he looks like, i wonder if he were here and i looked in the mirror if this isnt the face i would see

That is why I am back, perhaps together we can hold the anger and fear back long enough to put you on a path of help, instead of not doing anything and sitting in fear, what is it that you want to do?

I want to get the anger and fear under control and to find some normalcy in my life, I don’t want to hurt the ones I love anymore, and not even you can get me to stop chewing tobacco so stop trying, it is my one and only vice except Star Crunches, let me at least have that. I don’t do drugs anymore; I barely drink so I this is my one vice and I believe I will keep it for now.

My turn to ask a question, I have been in turmoil for years and now you come back, why now all of the sudden?

I have come back when I feel you have need of me the most, you are like a very bright candle that is burning way to fast, the longer you hold onto the anger the faster you will burn out, and as you said in one of your poems you not done here yet. You have a family that needs you and you can grantee that one of your older children will be back into your house hold in a short amount of time,

Again I have lost the connection with him again, due to gun fire in the neighborhood and my dumbass son wanting to go out back before I could make sure things were ok, sounded like 9mm shot fired from an extended 15 round magazine followed by shotgun fire a little further down, leave it an assumed gun battle to snap me out of anything, bullet makes a distinctive whine as it passes close to your body and I damn sure don’t want my son in the open if someone is shooting, especially if it was amateurs.

The picture on the right brings to mind the person in my head, who would be better to teach a young boy how to be silent and to listen to what was going on around him, to sense danger and to avoid it with stealth like abilities, and it would tie into my lineage with the Cherokee part of me, or was it the imagination of a young boys mind. I would like to think both are true,

With much gratitude and devotion,

Dan Kline

PS. italics are him and normal font is my answers


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