Another conversation with Dan

I had a friend once that told me my environment was an extension of my subconscious state of mind. And he was right, as he told me this one day over the phone I started to look around at the area of my house that I most occupied, my bedroom. It was total and utter chaos, things were piled around haphazardly, pile of clothing needed to be put away and there was paper and trash on the floor and all manner of things. I tried to clean it up but I never got very far before giving up, and I see the same thing happening here at my mother in laws and I don’t want that to happen here I need a clean space to help with clearing my mind, now with that said the space I occupy here is not as dirty as my own house was but yet it is still cluttered and it is a small place, there are things like electrical cords all over the place, all of my wife’s makeup and other various shit of hers is on the vanity not put in any type of order, there are little things that make this area cluttered, and I can’t stand it, but what have I done about it. I need to dust the furniture it is amazing how much dust a ceiling fan creates.

I wish to reconnect with this friend but I think that time has passed, he is a Shaman and a very gifted person, with whom I connected with for awhile, I think that it is more my fault than any others as to why this friendship has not continued. I am not a very good friend, and not because I don’t want to be, it is just hard for me to keep in touch with anyone else, it is hard enough to keep in contact with myself. I have tried but I am failing right now as a friend, I have tried to call Stephen, knowing his mother is ill and have yet to hear back from him, and yet he is always the one to call me.

Why is it that my posts seem to start on one subject and yet they evolve into something else entirely?

Well I guess I will continue on this line of thought, because I can’t remember where the other line was going. I am not sure of Stephens sincerity as a friend, it is usually about him and what he wants, and things never get around to me, he refuses to acknowledge my illness and thinks that all I need to do is Cowboy Up, drink more beer and hang around him, he is very  selfish in that way, he got upset when I moved to the country for my wife and stayed with Russel, he didn’t like that I would not be at his beck and call, you see he is single and he is the type that will call on a Saturday night around 9pm and say get dressed we are going to the bar, I mean I am all for going to the bar, but dude I have a family and I just can’t get up and take off on a moment’s notice just because you want to look for a wife for the night, I have to plan things, basically get permission or at least let my wife know what I am doing, and really if you wanted to go to the bar couldn’t you have called my earlier than right now let’s go kind of thing, he has not gotten that simple fact in the whole time I have known him. I am not single and cannot come and go as I please and it has gotten worse now that my wife is sick, and it is not that she doesn’t want me to go out and have a few beers with my friend, it is that she knows with Stephen I will be out till 4 in the morning going from place to place when he can’t find what he is looking for. And like I said I like to go to the bar, but I am not a bar hopper never have been, but yet even when I was a young single man I was never a bar hopper and if this is off putting well then it is, I never went out with the intention of getting a piece of ass, I just didn’t go looking for it. I was there to hang out with my buddies and drink cold beer and enjoy the band or dare I say it karaoke. And well that made me more successful at getting women than my buddies, even though I usually turned them down, oh ya I would twirl them around the dance floor once or twice but that piece of ass was never the goal, I did get my fair share but I never ever once went looking for it. Even now when Stephen and I do go to the bar and her is in his hunter mode and I am just there, doing my own thing oblivious to the world I still get more women that ask me to dance or strike up a conversation, sometimes I dance and all of the time I tell them I am married, and I get this, why are all the good ones married, well because we

ah yes they serve my favorite beer in this joint

found a good woman who would marry our sorry asses, needless to say I have tried to impart some of my wisdom to Stephen about not trying so hard but he never seems to listen, it really works and I am not bragging here, most women hate it when you look at them like a piece of meat, they can’t stand it, but when you are just there for the band, the beer and your buddies and are really not looking for a piece of ass then 9 out 10 times a woman will come up to you wondering why you haven’t paid them one bit of attention, sorry I am not looking for a relationship, one night stand or even to buy you a drink, I am not being a dick on purpose but I didn’t come here for that. And I have to say why go out for burgers when you have filet mingon at home, can I get a witness. I can’t believe I am going to tell you this one, even when I went to a gay bar with my gay brother I got hit on twice as many times as he did, but I passed on my little jewel of wisdom don’t go looking and it will come to you. And yes they all knew I was straight but that didn’t stop them for buying me drinks or trying to dance with me, hell I was there with my mother and brother, not trolling for a piece of ass, at least David took my words of wisdom to heart started to relax and enjoy himself and when that happened he was the main attraction of the night. So know you know my philosophy about how to get chicks or guys at the bar, and that was not the point of this discussion but hey it might help you out one day, and believe me on this one women really love a well dressed cowboy, we are talking boots, semi tight jeans, always leave a little room for the imagination, a nice button up collared shirt, with t-shirt underneath and a nice looking buckle and a clean cowboy hat, make sure you shave and put on your smell goods. When you enter the bar do so like you own the place even if it is the first time you have been there, always know where the exits and the bathroom are at all times and if you can try to keep your back to a wall never a window, open floor or a door, and if you can’t don’t get paranoid just make sure to keep a respectful eye on your surroundings at all times. Just one more jewel of knowledge for all of you out there. Wait I aint done with this yet, make sure you iron or press your shirt, nice crisp edges, it may not help with the ladies but it will make you feel better about your appearance, and for goodness sakes don’t iron your jeans it make you look like a retard, and we all aint George Strait he can get away with it you can’t. And this will happen, it does to me all the time, eventually a woman will ask you if you are a real cowboy, your response to this should be to ask what her definition of a real cowboy is because I guarantee it will be different from yours, and be honest because unless you have been there and done that you aren’t a real cowboy, I happen to be a real cowboy, I grew up on 4000 acres in the middle of the Mugion Mountain in New Mexico and all we did was raise horses I spent more time with my ass in a saddle than I ever did just walking around. Ok back to the ladies and the question mostly you are an urban cowboy that watches to much rodeo channel and westerns, but that don’t mean that you can’t be a cowboy, a cowboy is this, he is good to the environment, good to women, that means treating them with respect and courtesy, that means you stand for what you believe in and will defend it with your life if necessary. And that is just a little about what it is that makes you a cowboy, it is in the way you walk, talk, what you drink and how you think. Don’t but any drink with a little umbrella in it, even if you are gay, it  just does not fit, kind of like an elevator in an outhouse it just don’t go (name the movie win a prize). Women are going to ask if you can ride a horse, for them all cowboys can ride a horse, if you can then say yes if you can’t well don’t lie about it, it will make you look like a jerk and women know when men are lying trust me on this, even if they just met you. Some will ask if you smoke cigarettes, again tell the truth, for me it is as easy as pulling that can of dip out of my back pocket and say does this count and usually they will giggle and say yes, don’t act like or try to tell a woman that you were a bronco rider or a bull rider unless you can back it up with facts, remember women will know when you are lying. I myself have green broke horses myself but I have never been in a rodeo or a bronco rider or a bull rider and I explain that I spent enough time getting my ass handed to me by horses just green breaking them and riding them every day, horses can be assholes when they want to be, and that is all of the time, you have to be in charge of the horse you are riding, and try to ride the same horse every time it will let you get acquainted and you and the horse will know what to expect from each other and develop an understanding of what is expected of the other. Sometimes this doesn’t work out that way, I was lucky and had two of my own horses to ride, mostly Ash called that because of his dark grey color, he and I worked well together and respected each other and if you think I am kidding then you haven’t been around horses much, he used to let me know when I was fucking up or when he needed something, it was maybe a short straight hop or a nip at my pant leg, and no I didn’t wear chaps this aint a Clint Eastwood movie, I did wear spurs but horses really don’t like to be kicked in the stomach with sharp pointy things and they will damn sure let you know. Back to the women, they will respect you more and you will respect yourself more if you are honest with them than try to fill their pretty little heads with bullshit. Trust me on this men we think we have them fooled but we really don’t and that is our problem right there, if you approach a woman think of it like approaching a horse let them see you and let them watch you before you make well, I guess your move, and when you do don’t be an ass and say stupid shit, that just shows ignorance and will put her off right away, just say hello my name is you fill in the blank, and for damns sake don’t get pissed off if she isn’t interested, you have to realize how many assholes have already come up to her and hit on her just for a piece of ass, and well most of the time it pisses women off, all those players and haters and whatever’s, remember it is not personal she is not being a bitch to you, maybe she is having a bad day, maybe she just wants a drink and sit and absorb for a bit and loosen up a little, you don’t know you aren’t in her mind, but I see it happen all the guys get pissed because she turned them down, if she does give her space and don’t harp on her for being a stuck up whore or bitch, once again you don’t know her and you don’t know what is going on  in her head. You know what come back later after she has relaxed a little and let her hair down and try again you might be surprised, it’s been known to happen. I know why I am telling you this, it is because every time I go out with Stephen he is on the hunt for a piece of ass, and I feel that women can tell that just from the way he watching and looking and well his attitude, it radiates from him like ya I am going to give you some dick tonight and you’re going to love it. It don’t matter how many times I try to tell him to sit back relax and enjoy himself and when the time comes then make a move, don’t force it, it aint going to work. I am by nature a people watcher and I have sat in many a bar and just watched what was going on around me and you know women watch as well, they have spotted you and they see you, but are you going to turn out like 99% of the rest of the assholes at the bar, to them the answer is yes you are, especially if you have that hungry I want some ass look to you. Man I just can’t tell you enough you might be a horny goat but if that vibe is out there than every woman except that really dunk one will pick up on that vibe, I see it with Stephen, I saw it with Ramon, I saw it with Patrick and all my other friends except Schmitty, he is like me that is why I like going to the bar with him, we just settle in and sit and bullshit and drink beer and invariably it happens to one or the other we get hit on, or talked to or have a drink bought for us, and both of us are married, and I think that women know that to, they don’t even have to see the ring on the finger to know. Well I have bored you with enough advice on bar etiquette so I will leave you for now.

Hell I don’t claim to know the mind of a women, I can barely understand my own mind. Everything I have written has been due to my observations and my people watching, man that is so much fun. Truth be told I couldn’t get laid even if I crawled up a chicken ass and waited. Many of these things do and have happened but I aint no player far from it, I just sit and enjoy myself, and don’t let the bullshit of other people disturb that setting I have placed myself into

With much gratitude and devotion,

Dan Kline


One Response to “Another conversation with Dan”


    ha ha ha very true….a real women does put off a vibe and can tell what a man wants…hell I have had men try to pick me up when I am at the bar with my husband. Kinda sad….i really only like going to dance…dancing is my release and relaxes me and makes me feel better and i cannot wait until i am able to do that again….lord i do miss it. People anymore do not care that you are married or not…i have had a couple of Dans friends hit on me…and one is all the time….can you guess? It is irritating and I have tried to talk to him as a friend on how to act. Then I get the nice little pick up line ‘but I only have eyes for you”…go figure…im no model or a prize with the perfect body but I am a lady and I am respectful until you bring out the country girl in me and she is redneck for sure. lol.. My husband can get pretty much any woman he wanted and I know this but he knows he wont find another like me… I am not bragging trust me….its not like that. i am just me. Not alot of women are…its a game anymore. If you have been at the bar recently it isnt like it used to be. Men and women have changed some..they do not care if you are married or not. That is the sad part. My advice is be who you are…no lies, acting different, or ‘dressing the part’ if that isnt you….being you is always the best advice anyone can give. Thats the advice of a lady…as i like to think I am…LOL JK. Always treat others as you would want to be treated because one day it will come back on you and Karma will let you know it…Welcome to the crazy insane world of the Klines….lol…take what you want and leave the rest for another as I always say..ha ha sweet dreams all…

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