I don’t have a subject for this shite

You ever get a day where you knew you had something in your mind but didn’t quite know what it was? Well that is where I am today, something is lurking about in the shadows of my mind and I am not sure what it is, so I figured if I started writing it might just suddenly pop right out on the page and then I would know what it was, so far… not working. I really don’t feel like sitting here and ramble on so let’s see what I have done with my day and see if that helps. Well first I got woke up around 2:30am by my wife and son they had turned the TV up and it woke me up, then again around 4:30 or 5:00 am they were in the kitchen making omelet’s, then again at 8:00am took meds and came back to my room and got on the internet checked my email, read some blogs, checked face book don’t know why I bother with face book anymore all it is, is drama central. I went back to sleep until around 11:30am then got up and went to the grocery and spent $170.00 on groceries and then came back and started to put them up got frustrated cause the damn fridge and freezer had a bunch of shit in it and now I would have to find someplace for the stuff I just bought, Nanny came in and finished putting stuff away for me. Went back into my room cause I was hot and started this post, then I had to go to the medical supply store for Gerri and get a new hose for her o2 machine the other was crimped and not working right, then I went to Long John Silver’s to get everyone dinner oh and did I mention it is 104 degrees outside, no air in the car so I was hot as shit, now I am worn out and still have something nagging at the back of my brain that just doesn’t want to come forward so I know what it is. Oh and I haven’t eaten since day before yesterday, just not hungry and really food holds no interest for me anyway. So that has been my day so far, oh I guess I should mention I have quit writing in my blackout journal so I haven’t been chronicling them or what might be triggering them or the duration of them. Didn’t help me a lot in my disability case they didn’t even use it. I did find out what was going on with m SSI, I don’t get it, due to the fact that I will be getting more than what SSI pays on the month per person so they put me directly on SSDI and then they are trying to send the payments to a bank account that was closed in November of last year and I informed my lawyer and the SSA that the account was closed, so I have about $20,000.00 dollars floating out in cyberspace somewhere, and I have the government mandated money card that they said I had to have, so WTF. I haven’t received any documentation from SSDI on anything so I don’t know what the fuck is going on with them so I will have to wait till Monday to talk to them again. The simple fact is that I could just be really frustrated right now, because I don’t know what to do, and here is part of that problem. My wife is very insistent that we go to the country, back to Russels house and now she is saying for just a visit, and I know why she wants to go and in part I fully agree with her reasons, but damn I have to pack up all of her equipment and machines and medications and other crap that she needs and then all of my crap and Dylan’s in a 4 door car with no air and drive for an hour then set up all her things up again, man just thinking about it is wearing me out. And here is another part I can have no more than $3,000.00 dollars in assets even as a couple or the will reduce or cease my disability, and I still don’t know why I am writing this damn thing it aint helping not even having my glam rock blaring in my ear is helping me out and I can usually lose myself in the music and it calm me down and straighten me out a bit get my thoughts together. Man do I love Great White not the ordinary glam band but damn they are fricken cool as shit. So perhaps in will just sit here and listen to my music and cool the fuck out, then maybe I will get this all straight in my head, it can’t get any worse, right?

With much gratitude and devotion,

Dan Kline


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