I realize I have nothing to do…..


So I had a profound thought the other day as I was leaving the grocery store and I was putting my things in the car and I was driving home, zipping through traffic like I had

that me right there with nothing to do

to be somewhere in a hurry. That’s when the profound thought hit me, dude why are you zipping around like speed racer you don’t have anything to do, no where that you have to be. Now let me repeat this for you, I DONTHAVE NOTHING TO DO, for the rest of my life I have nothing to do, no routine, no structure, no deadlines, and no one telling me what to do. One would suppose that I would be very happy about this, but I became so preoccupied with the thought that I nearly rear ended the car in front of me. I have nothing to do, nowhere to go and basically the only responsibilities I have are to my wife and son. But wait for what seems like forever I have had someplace to go whether to work, the armory, to pick up my wife from work, I have always had something to do. So what do I do now? I don’t have to go to work, my wife is stuck on the couch, and this is giving me an anxiety attack just thinking about it, no running kids anywhere nothing, nada, zip, and zilch. What am I supposed to do now sit on the computer all day and blog about every little twinge and itch and whatever, post you tube videos to my blog that no one will watch, they aren’t interested in what type of music I like or if I happen across a cool ass video. No one really cares, it is not that they probably don’t want to care but they are living their lives too, so I appreciate the people who visit my blog very much, because guess what, I am no big deal. So the thought that I have no purpose has been crossing my mind a lot over the last several days, is this how the rest of my life is going to go, sitting and taking care of my wife, I do, do that, but she sleeps a lot right now and in between times she needs me I don’t really do anything, I don’t even think I have any hobbies, and I don’t really feel like playing a video game to pass the time like others I know do. I don’t and can’t be a drunk, or a drug addict, or even well whatever, first I do like to drink but it takes money, second I am on enough pills to keep me wired all day and then take pills to try to make me sleep at night, which doesn’t work so well, as we know. So what now, I ask you what do I do now? My life has revolved around working, the military and my family, and now I only have one out of the three, and if I start spending more time with Dylan he will get a complex and wonder what he has done wrong, sorry I have always been a disciplinary type of father and I damn sure don’t need him feeling anymore anxiety than he already does.

So let me tell you this, I tried to explain to him this morning about what was really wrong with me and after my big speech he simply told me that he talked to his self also, so I asked him if he answered himself and he yes why is that a big deal, I said no son it was a normal everyday reaction to life. And he still doesn’t understand what is really wrong with me; maybe he isn’t old enough yet to understand.

So I ask again what do I do, I want to go back into the military so bad I can taste it, I would be an entire squad by myself with all the people running around in my head, think they would take me back knowing what I am like? I wonder how they would feel knowing part of me is female, would that be part of the don’t ask don’t tell policy, yes that’s right Obama sent that out the window didn’t he, well at least I could be honest about it. So all in all I don’t know what to do with myself except sit on my bed and blog and listen to fucking you tube and download movies. What do you think, is that some kind of life for an adventurous person like me?

With much confusion and apathy,

Dan Kline

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6 Responses to “I realize I have nothing to do…..”

  1. SPECIAL KAYE Says:

    I KNOW what you mean honey i am right there with you….feels strange not going to work everyday…or cleaning or cooking. i feel useless as i know you do too..maybe it will be different when we both have money coming in and can get a place of our own again in the country. i could keep ya real busy there lol….planting flowers my climbing rose bush i want…our sacred place…etc… but i think that would be fun….hopefully soon!!!!!! im done withall the disability docs now just wait and see..

    • what and when it will happen will be, until then we are free in our minds to dream of a place that will be ours and the scared circle we have created will be whole soon enough, just open your minds eye and use it to look into the future and there we will be

      • SPECIAL KAYE Says:

        i will make it happen,….our own beautiful sacred place with trees and lots of beauty around us…and i wanna put out feed to draw hummingbirds and butterflies….i have been drawn to them more lately than usual…but you know i love them anyway ha ha ha. together we can make anything happen…..that is a definite!!! I tried to tag a photo to u but i dont know what it does…lol

  2. I have to admit, I laughed at the thought of you being an entire platoon all on your own. In a way I wish you could sleep during your down time, but it sound like that isn’t happening anytime soon.

    I’m happy you talked to Dylan, even if he didn’t quite take it all in. It will help down the line. And just because you’re a disciplinary father doesn’t mean you can spend time with him; it’s just a question of what kind of time you spent together. It could as simple as going for a walk, or reading together.

    • we have already decided to do one thing together without mom and she is ok with that, we are going to wolfs lodge it is in Kings Island and is a hotel and it has a indoor water park so we can swim and have fun there and then we are going to the main park so he and i mean he can ride the roller coasters, i have been on enough crazy shake you up kinda rides if you catch my drift, and roller coasters scare the shit out of me, something about hot being in control. and then we are taking momma to a state park where we will get a cabin and hopefully i can find one that is set back into nature so she can soak it up and hopefully she might just be able to sit outside even if it is for a few minutes, i thnk she would like that, and i am hoping it has like either double doors or sliding doors she can just sit and look out of.

  3. i dont really know what to say :/
    maybe you should plan something everyday, try new thing like, i dont know much, how about some activities with your son!
    i’m so sorry it has to be that hard!

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