I have been wondering about this

Well I have to say I have been wondering about the whole Dissociative Identity Disorder that Dr. Singleton has, well labeled me with, and here are some reasons why I am having these doubts. During the year 2010 or was it 2011, not sure I was hospitalized 5 times in one year for depression, anxiety, black outs and suicidal attempts and during the time I spent in the hospital I saw a psychiatrist and the funny thing is I saw the same doctor every time but I cannot remember his name, funny that. During the third time I was I the hospital he diagnosed me with a Dissociative Disorder, but my records don’t say what type of disorder and he also diagnosed me with a Personality Disorder, now I am not sure what the difference between the two are but apparently they are different. I have been over my records from that time and not once did he mention Identity Disorder, he did ask me several times if I talked to myself and to be honest I do talk to myself and I answer myself, but is that DID? Now I am using my limited powers of memory to try to piece this together so if it seems skewed than I am sorry. During my fourth and fifth time I remember him talking to me about my apparent dissociative disorder and my personality disorder, and how it could be causing my depression and the suicidal attempts, he never asked about my childhood and I never volunteered it to him either, so what was he basing his diagnosis on, my current problems, I mean I really don’t remember telling him about my childhood at any point during my stays. But once again he never brought up DID, doesn’t mean it wasn’t in my records but don’t you think he would tell me if he thought I had DID, so if he did diagnosis me with DID he never told me. Let’s get to Dr. Singleton, according to my wife I saw him twice and he is the one who diagnosis me with DID, my wife was right there to hear the whole conversation on the second visit. So I know that a diagnosis of DID takes years to really find and I have been through the wringer of different diagnosis, but to tell me after 2 sessions that I had DID is a little confusing to me, am I having false memories, or am I making the whole thing up. Do you see where I am a little confused as to what is happening to me? Gerri was right there when he told me and I have been second guessing myself for several days, what did he base his diagnosis off of other than the information from my hospital stays, you see what I am saying. I am not saying he didn’t tell me that I just am second guessing myself and have been for several days now.

But I have to tell you that Khayleth and Serena feel real to me they are still trying to talk to me and they want me to recognize them again, they are a part of my life and I am afraid to let them out again in case I really don’t have DID, I am scared people I don’t know what to do and it will be awhile before I get to see him again, so do I go with what feels right and just let them go and be free or do I lock them up and see the doctor and see if I truly remember what he said?

With much confusion and disillusion,

Dan Kline

4 Responses to “I have been wondering about this”

  1. Regarding your dx of DID – when I was first diagnosed, I never mentioned anything in my past either – however through my many hospital visits etc it was obvious that I was extremely dissociative. Like you, I had a dx of Dissociative Disorder (which I now assume was DDNOS) & Borderline Personality Disorder – this isn’t actually uncommon for first dx for people with DID.

    I have had doubts more times than I can even remember, but I think at the end of the day, the dx isn’t what’s important. If they feel real to you and are part of your life etc, then that is what is important. Work with them – even if they’re not real and they’re figments of you etc what would you have lost? Nothing really. Personally, I’d never recommend locking them up – never – that will only lead to resentment, anger and total dysfunction.

    Good luck. I’m sorry I can’t give you any answers but I sincerely hope you are able to work towards health, regardless of what your diagnosis is/should be.

    • thank you for replying i am starting to realize just how much they are a part of my daily life made up or not, see i dont have alot of people to talk to and i am pretty isolated because of caring for my wife, and with that i do have a lot of down time and well i talk to them and they answer me all the time with love and kindness and every so often they have a pretty good idea, even if they are made up i can feel the hurt that they feel since i have put them to side, i can no longer ignore them even if they are made up

  2. I have been trying to self-diagnose for ten years, and have gotten nowhere (which is why I’ve now finally decided to see a psychiatrist). It can be hard to trust the doctors, and sometimes they screw it up royally, but they’re really all we’ve got; their business is making us better (or it’s supposed to be, anyway). Ultimately, it doesn’t really matter what you call it, as long as you can get the treatment that lets you live a better life.

  3. Bourbon Says:

    I say go with what feels right. They feel real to you as you say and now that is all that matters. Locking them up will cause far more problems – anger and dysfunction in the system. Best to just let things happen as they need to in my opinion.

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