My apology to all of you and more information…..

This will be the last time I bring this up but I had to explain myself more to me and you.

See I know I am rehashing what happened on Saturday night but I just can’t help going back to the part where I, by myself, no gun only a knife on my hip, walk up to a table of obvious bad asses and MMA fighters and decide on my own to challenge them in a way sort of I guess, I don’t really know that I was challenging them or not I didn’t really say a whole lot to them, except for the fact that they were MMA fighters and I did find out a little more about what was said from Russel, after I told them they were MMA fighters they did tell me that they were not looking to have to prove themselves, and the guy I was actually talking too looked at me and said that I wasn’t scared that they were MMA fighters and all I did was shake my head no. He then looked at the other three guys and then looked at Russel and asked if I was prior military and I shook my head yes, and that was when he told me that he and his friends were just there to have a few beers and to have a good time and didn’t want to have to fight, and I stood up and great heartedly told them hell that was fine with me and that I would buy their next round of beers and then made fun of them for drinking Budweiser Beer, they took it good heartedly and I went and ordered their beers and when they got to the table I went over and started with the guy who I was talking to and shook his hand and said that I wasn’t going to even try to start shit with them and I apologized for interrupting their evening, and we were all good with that, it was done and over with and there were no hard feelings what so ever, until it came to us leaving, being good natured at that point I made my way to their table and told them goodnight and apparently they invited me to their gym in Fairdale if I wanted to spare with them and get rid of some anger, I think I said thank you and then Stephen walked up and really neither I or Russel even know what he said really, the next thing this guy was coming around the table pissed as all hell and running his mouth which once again I knew he wasn’t going to fight, it is like I said fight and don’t talk, or talk and don’t fight, he was talking and not fighting, and I was between Stephen and Russel and I did have my hands out to the sides of me pushing them to the door but never taking my eyes off the guy yelling, Russel said I didn’t say a word to them and that probably made them nervous, because he was talking shit and I wasn’t, to be honest people don’t know how to really take me when it comes to that point.

Now here is what I am really writing about, who the fuck was I trying to impress? What the hell was I thinking and why do I keep telling the same story over and over again, don’t I realize that I could have been hurt, I know that had to run through my mind at least once, I mean it had too, it was obvious to everybody else that it was going to be four to one, and I could have gotten seriously hurt here, but I found that I didn’t care and I wanted them to fight with me and if they weren’t then that was apparently ok to. So who was I showing off for, was I showing off and why? I cannot for the life of me understand what the hell I was doing, should I blame it on the whiskey, the beer the combination of pills and beer, I mean what the hell?

It actually comes down to this I was looking for a fight before I even left the house, hell I had already had one that morning with my own aspect anger, right here on this very blog. So the combination of all of the above contributed to me wanting to self harm or hurt someone else, plain and simple and to be quite honest with you that scare the hell out of me. I am not a bad ass fighter, I am not the hurting kind, yes I have skills and tools to use if I get put in a position where I might get harmed but never to use them to start something and to get myself or someone else hurt, I am or thought I was done with those days. I am not going to drink again as long as I act that way and that means I can’t drink at all, because I don’t know if and when I will act that way again. I am needed at home to help as best I can with my wife and son and not to be out at some damn bar trying to get myself hurt. This is where I need to tell myself I am sorry for the way I acted, I have told everyone else including my wife. And I am sorry to all of you also, I told you that my belief system told me to do no harm and yet what did I do I went looking for the very same, and all I got for it was a dumb ass hangover and a lot of depression and some hurt feelings for myself. I am sorry to all of you. I didn’t practice what I was preaching.

With much gratitude and devotion,

Dan Kline


One Response to “My apology to all of you and more information…..”

  1. Following on from the previous post (!), I get the feeling that talking about this (or writing about it, as it were) is helping you analyze exactly what happened, and why you acted the way you did. Another thing that I see is that throughout the situation, regardless of your desire to fight, you seemed in full control of yourself. Who knows what would have happened if Khayleth or Anger had decided to step in.

    Don’t stop your mind from dwelling on it, as long as you are still coming to new realizations about yourself. It’s a good thing.

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