Wearing my feelings on my sleeve…..

hell this dont even fit then post, but it is funny

You know I have been feeling, well frustrated the last several days and have been wearing my feelings on my shirt sleeve and have been taking things that are said and they are hurting my feelings even though they weren’t meant to. I am not sure why I have been this way it is kind of frustrating to say the least. I am worried about this little trip we are taking on Monday the place isn’t far away but I am hoping that Gerri will make it ok and even enjoy herself a little and maybe put a little pep in her step, that is one of the big things I am worried over, and the other is the bed, I really don’t think we should buy this adjustable bed, I think I need to go back and get the one I had already picked out, besides I really don’t have the energy to go get a money order and overnight it to them I just don’t really care anymore about it, and I have dropped it in Gerri’s lap, like she can really do anything about it, it isn’t like she can drive to go get the money order and mail it herself, she just can’t. So kind of a dick move on my part. But really I just don’t really care about anything I think it is called ambivalence yep that is what it is with a dash of indifference thrown in. I feel like everything I have done over the last few weeks isn’t appreciated the little things I have been doing have felt like to me they aren’t as appreciated as they once were, and really I rationally don’t think that is the problem. But that is the way I have been feeling. Now I get the feeling that it is sort of expected from me, and that is not how it is supposed to work, hell I am even getting it from Dylan, it’s like he expects me to buy and get him things, and I and I mean I don’t feel that it is appreciated. I have run my ass all over the south end of this city for over a week now, doing things that need to be done and some that were not needed at all. I have looked for everything that I think might help Gerri get better, I have made arrangements for a small vacation and (remind me to cancel the cabin before the 13th so they don’t charge my credit card) have done and gotten everything for that except groceries. I am tired, and worn out still, I didn’t sleep well last night, or if I did I sure don’t feel like it.

I do understand that my wife is not well, I hate calling her sick so unwell it is, and I know that maybe she has been focusing on herself to try and get better and that I will sometimes get less attention than I would if she were well. I really do understand it and I can accept it with all I have, and maybe I am the one that needs to self comfort, don’t know that I really know how but I can learn, I guess. Perhaps I should start doing some things that make me happy, I really want to do tai-chi and haven’t really looked to hard into it I don’t want to start something and then run out of money and not be able to continue, did you know there are 108 beginners moves, that is just at the beginner level so I don’t know if that means 108 classes or what, I guess I need to find out. I think I saw a place on Preston that has tai-chi so perhaps I should get up off my ass and go and look the place over and find out what I need to at least begin, even if I only get 10-12 classes under my belt I can still practice them for myself and I have been listening to meditations for sleep almost every night last night I read for a bit then fell asleep. I think that is what I will do, end this post and go and see if that place is even open and see what I need to begin.

With much gratitude and devotion,

Dan Kline

One Response to “Wearing my feelings on my sleeve…..”

  1. Understanding doesn’t change your own feelings. You’re going to feel rejected and unappreciated sometimes, even with the best of intentions. The important thing is to recognize it, and recognize when you need a step back to take care of yourself, and remind yourself that, appreciated or not, your family loves you (and you love them!).

Tell me what you think.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: