Emotional Emptiness


To say that I feel like I am neglecting my blog I a reasonable assumption, it is not that I don’t want to write or even that I have nothing to write about but I am in sort of an emotional emptiness state of mind. That is the best way I can describe it. I am lacking in the motivation department and I really don’t know why, I have so much in my head that wants to be told and said, but I lack the follow through to put keyboard in hand and put it down. So I thought that I would do things a little differently. I am going to jot down things and when I get a few I will then put it on my blog and see if that helps, I will date the individual items and that way I will have a reference to what day and how or what I was feeling. But if that gets to be a long post then I might change tack and find something else to do. I haven’t been able to get really excited about anything or even angry about anything. Yay for me right, wrong the absence of emotion is a problem in and of its self, I have thought about the state of mind I am in and I can tell you I cannot figure it out, could it be the medication that I am now taking or is it just that I have been in such an emotional uproar that my emotions have shut down for awhile? It is kind of scary, I mean I am not an asshole or anything, I just find myself without emotion. I am not sure who wrote this quote but it seems to fit somewhat, “the emotions aren’t always immediately subject to reason, but they are always immediately subject to action”. I still show great concern for my wife’s well being and for her comfort and mindset, but other than that nothing, I still laugh and I have put on a mask to hide the way I am feeling, but I swear my wife sees right through me, I know that she knows and it has gone unspoken between us. I wish I knew if this is the way I will be feeling for awhile or it is just till my Zyprexa gets fully into my system, and I have taken it before and I never felt this way so it has to be me. With much gratitude and devotion, Dan Kline

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3 Responses to “Emotional Emptiness”

  1. I’ve been subject to that emptiness for so long I can’t imagine life without it. Although I’d like to say that I’m not always like that, I wonder sometimes whether the masks have become so real that they fool me as well as everyone else. It’s the fallout of so many years of depression.

    Still, it doesn’t sound like you’re actually depressed, which is good to hear; I’m hoping it’s the readjustment to new medication. I hope you’ll recover soon.

    • i have tried to do so right for so long that i end up doing the wrong thing, wait this is not a response to your response. ya i think the new medication is helping but i still feel the empty feeling, but i had a spark today when i saw a smile on my son face, i actually did something right that time

  2. SPECIAL KAYE Says:

    lol you know me too well…i dont always say anything but doesnt mean i dont know, i think it is you adjusting…you have been on a rollercoaster for sure honey…i think when you go to the doc…talk to him about it if you are still doing it…i love you it will be ok…one at a time.

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