I sit…..

I sit, but I am unable to stay still, not physically but mentally. My mind is a whirlwind of thoughts emotions, wrong doings and failed things. I have not been able to keep the peace with in my mind for a very long time. The things inside of my mind make me fearful, scared even. Blame is the biggest thing I feel right now, blame for not being able to let my family enjoy the things I have done for them, blame for not being able to do what is right and good, blame for yelling screaming and getting mad, blame for knowing that I need space to myself, but feeling selfish because of it. Two things control my life right now and that is blame and the fear of failing my family again and again and again like I have over the last 14 years, not being there for them, not providing for them. To say that I am a failure is the absolute truth, I want you to realize the only good thing that I have done in my life was marry my second wife and have Dylan with her, other than that I have never finished a damn thing in this life of mine, didn’t finish High School, dropped out 12th grade year, yes I got my GED and yes I attended college but I never finished that either, I didn’t complete my tour of duty with the National Guard, depression and anxiety is the cause for that, I feel like I let my unit and my fellow soldiers down on that one, it hurts pretty badly when I think about it. I Dan Kline have never finished a single thing in my life and I have come to realize that I might not have that much life left to me to start anything new, actually that thought has stopped me from trying new things, and true to form I am not going to finish this post.

With much gratitude and devotion,

Dan Kline


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