I am right here, do you see me?????


It feels as though my pain and my problems have all been pushed to the side, and I suppose that was inevitable, with Gerri being the main focus of every ones attention, what I have has some or little to no physical symptoms so if I feel like I have issues I have to be the one to work on them, and if I do happen to have a physical problem like right now I have several teeth that need to be removed, I am in terrible pain right now and I find it very hard to eat anything at all without being in pain, cold and hot bother the hell out of me and when I tried to eat tonight it felt like the top of my exploded, but it feels as if I am ignored, Medicare doesn’t pay for dental, and we don’t have the money for me to go to a dentist, I don’t think we will ever have the money for that. So I sit in agony and try to eat the softest foods I can and here is the other problem it is on both sides of my mouth. It is blinding the pain this causes me and although I usually don’t let anyone know how bad it really is I am at the point of wanting to pull them out on my own, I can’t even have a chew because of the suction in my mouth pulls against my teeth and it causes pain. I can’t even close my jaw all the way because that hurts too. This plays holy hell with my mental problems it hurts so pain translates in to irritation which turns to anger and in turn I tend to lash out and not want to be touched or even talked to. It throbs so badly right now that I am almost in tears. In the end I don’t feel like my problems whether physical or mental are taken seriously, not like Gerri’s. I am alive I do live here please don’t make me feel less important than I already do by ignoring the fact that I am in pain, hello is there anyone out there, hello, hello, HELLO? I know her mother doesn’t really care she only tolerates me because I am Gerri’s husband, she is aloof and unreachable and I cannot talk to her about anything unless it is about Gerri. I am ok with just being a ghost in the house I can flit from room to room and never be noticed once. But it seems like even Gerri doesn’t have the time or the inclination to see me in the pain that I truly am in and I have no recourse of action to get help, I need help, I need to be noticed. I need to be held so that I can cry out the pain that I feel right now, not only physical but mental, I can only be strong for so long then it breaks me down and I have to rebuild myself again, it takes time and energy that I don’t have any more.

With much gratitude and devotion,

Dan Kline

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2 Responses to “I am right here, do you see me?????”

  1. SPECIAL KAYE Says:

    Baby i do notice u i always do. I try my best. Believe it or not i feel the same. Not taking anything away from u but u arent alone. I guess we both feel like we can disappear n never be noticed. I don’t know why we feel this way or how to get out of it. Any idea. Im sorry i sleep so much

    • Hey Gerri. I really feel for you and Dan – and I hope you start to feel better soon. I have a thought, though it’s harder than it sounds (I know!). Try to catch each other – just once in a while – doing that small, insignificant something that comes from truly caring about each other.

      For example: my wife thanking me for wiping the stove without having to be told. 😛 Or me thanking my wife for letting me sleep in on a Saturday, even though she’s been up since 6:00 with insomnia.

      It’s just the little things.

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