Death might just be better…..

Tonight I want to die, I am the problem I am unapproachable to my wife and son. My wife has asked me to go and spend some time with my brother, that I need to work on myself, needless to say I am taking it wrong even though I know that she is right, I do need to work on myself. If I am here I am more worried over her and not myself, I am not doing the things that I need to do to help myself, I haven’t found a therapist I haven’t been to see my shrink since I get Medicare. I am not doing very well and it kind of hit me right in my dad gum eye. I don’t know what she expects for me to do in Florida to help myself my doctors are here. It has to be a distance issue, I worry over her she worries over me and neither of us is getting any better, and guess who is stuck in the middle, Dylan. So I have decided I am going to go live in the woods for a little while, as soon as Richard and Mary Susan give me the money they owe me I am gone, but so far away that if something happens I can’t get home in a more than an hour, if I could be closer I would but Yellow Bank is free, I just have to leave it better than when I got there, so this to me is the best option. I won’t have no electricity so no internet and that means no posts, I know how much each of you loves the posts that I write, sub humor there. It has triggered all those thoughts of abandonment issues that I have to go along with the fact that I feel like I have caused my life partner, my wife, the woman I love more harm than good, good thing she loves me or else I would be gone right now and I don’t mean camping. I owe you all a great debt, you have listened to me whine and bitch and moan and carry on like a fucking baby and I love all of you for that. Don’t worry I am too much of a chicken shit to kill myself, I think I mean fuck I can stare down 4 MMA fighters but I can’t pull a blade across my wrists, well no it is the thought of not knowing what happens next that keeps me from killing myself, hell I would love to be immortal, just so I can see what develops in the lives of the people around me. Perhaps I will be bitten by a vampire and he will turn me into the undead. I guess I shouldn’t wish for that it may happen. See all you on the morrow. Fuck it let my alters take over cause I am doing a shitty job of being me, I give full access to my mind and body over to them I am only going to fuck it even further…..

With much gratitude and devotion,

Dan Kline

One Response to “Death might just be better…..”

  1. You can’t really do a shitty job of being yourself, because…uh…it’s you. I’m sorry you’re in that place right now. In a way, I’m glad for this post: I’ll miss you if you leave, but I’ll be happy knowing why the posts stop. Please, please go take care of yourself. I’ve been watching you run yourself ragged for some time, and humanly it just can’t last.

    No matter what, I still hope for nothing but the best for you, Gerri and Dylan.

    Take care, Dan.

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