Enter the next life stage…..


I just want to know why Gerri thinks splitting up the family will help me; my family is my bedrock, for the foundation of my life. I know living with me is not easy and things get a bit precarious at times but all in all have I not been a good father and for the most part a decent husband. I understand that I am getting no better and neither are you apparently but to make me feel like you are sending me away is not the answer, you have always said one day at a time and one thing at a time and that our love would be better for it, have you changed your mind about that, obviously you have or you would not be asking me to leave. Makes me wonder if I should ever come back, I will be this way for the rest of my life, I will run out of medicine, I will be put on different medications more than once and we will not know how they will affect me, I will get angry everyone does, I will get depressed it is a part of who I am, that’s what gets me this is not a thing  that will go away, this is who I am, and who I will be for the rest of my life. You are asking me to leave to better myself, ok fine I will do that, but it comes with consequences. That is not a threat it is the truth. I feel betrayed for whom I am, I feel shoved aside, like I am not good enough for you anymore and this might all prove to be true. My black ring will stay with you till you feel I am worthy to wear it once again.

With much sorrow and grief,

Dan Kline

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2 Responses to “Enter the next life stage…..”

  1. The following are the annotated quotes we’ve collected recently from you as really being outstanding thoughts. We will publish probably later tonight or tomorrow – if you want any of these thoughts out of our simple “news blog” please let us know.

    What to do about me and D.I.D
    more from whattodoaboutme.wordpress.com –

    I have faith and trust in all of you to understand and find something in each of my posts that perhaps you can relate to, I always find a word or two in each of your posts that resonates with in me. I think collectively the statements are very potent in your express-ability of being real.

    Well it is asking the very same questions that I have been asking myself for several months now, what does the future hold for me? I have no idea, I have no long term goals like I used to have they have become superfluous, one day molds itself in to another and even I can’t tell the days of the week anymore, in truth I have nothing to do so I flow from one minute to the next, I have no competition like when I was in the corporate world, no deadlines hell I don’t even have the next project to look forward to, I also have no weekend warrior training to look forward to.

    I will be this way for the rest of my life, I will run out of medicine, I will be put on different medications more than once and we will not know how they will affect me, I will get angry everyone does, I will get depressed it is a part of who I am, that’s what gets me this is not a thing that will go away, this is who I am, and who I will be for the rest of my life.

    I am feeling hopeless, lost, abandoned and pushed away and that is doing all kinds of things for my inner selves. I want to shut down, stop working, stop feeling. I am a child again and everybody and everything I love is either pushing me away or making me leave. I want to crawl into the smallest space I can find and hide

    I mean look at just what he has had to deal with, with me. I am angry, I am frustrated I am up, down and turned inside out.
    I am proud of him, and I hope that, that comes through to all of you like a beacon in the night. You may not understand it but this has been a good day for him.

    With much gratitude and devotion,

    I know she doesn’t think that way but what and where am I suppose to go, I am a person that needs stability and the ladder has been kicked out from underneath me and I am hanging onto the gutter of my life. You tell me if this is right and that this is the best possible thing for me right now.

    It has triggered all those thoughts of abandonment issues that I have to go along with the fact that I feel like I have caused my life partner, my wife, the woman I love more harm than good, good thing she loves me or else I would be gone right now and I don’t mean camping.

    Sorry but this is the straw that broke the camel’s back, that was fucked up to say the least, I know that you know, you don’t even want me here and you would be happier if I weren’t here. Fine if that is really how you feel and that you would break up a family because of it then I will fucking leave, I don’t have any idea where I will go but I will leave this is how I have been made to feel the entire time I have been here, you make me feel as if I can do nothing right and what I do, do you go behind and redo it like I didn’t do it right in the first place. I cannot handle this anymore, I know you don’t like men and I know the reasons why, I am not those other men that screwed you over in the past

    You can tell me I matter, that I am needed but in all reality I am not needed. I am just a dust bunny under the bed, an item to be put away and used only when nothing else will do (that last really don’t make much sense). They don’t really need me, I am superfluous, not needed, just stand me in the corner and don’t forget to dust me off once in a while.

    [from us – YOU are much more than their dust bunny!]

  2. Hi Dan,

    I’m sorry to hear of all the problems you’ve had over the last few weeks, or whatever built into that. It seems obvious that your MIL is invested into something very negative going on between your wife and you and I hope that works out in some other way than being decided against by her. Maybe this is too personal of a communication to make with you. I know we don’t know each other, but through the reading it seems like she has staked a place in your home and is as you showed an indication that seems to be her deciding you are the spare wheel, instead of it being her. Of course there are other dynamics involved too … I know there are a lot of adults in the situation and that there are problems mentally as with all of us with dissociation- I’m not sure we’re aware of your wife’s illness complications, but figure you’ve really been good in helping that world be better. Even with that though there are basic feelings that are being hurtfully made that would have affected anyone with or without multiplicity. It’s just that that makes things even more difficult, because the hurt and anger is being absorbed at so many different levels. If I were to suggest anything … stand your ground. I know that you would give up ground for your family if you thought you were hurting them, but I’m feeling that you being there is very important to all – EXCEPT maybe the MIL. I don’t understand that relationship or why she is there, but realistically, anything or person in between spouses – really shouldn’t be there. Maybe here we are talking to the choir. I can’t encourage you enough to keep writing and fighting for your rights within your own household.

    I wanted to tell you too if you weren’t familiar with my love of curating quotes from multiples through the NEWS DID/MPD blog, but looking over your experience over the last three weeks (I had been gone on vacation) is that I had collected up to 10 quotes from you. I’m trying to talk myself into believing that this wasn’t excessive, because we do it with others too when they have a lot of important things to be saying. These were the statements that I thought most important in the covering of you as your own news in the larger “multiple community.” This is something we do with all the multiples we read, unless they say no, please don’t do that. We don’t mean to hurt anyone, but we thought we should acknowledge more personally to you in that there’s so many personally devastating things going on in your life and I didn’t want to take advantage of that – while still recognizing that I curate statements from multiples that are the most profound during any collection period of time. What you are going through – is probably more earthshaking than anything we’ve seen out there, and its’ worthy of note, in being able to help others understand life too. Please know that we stand behind you and efforts you have and will make. If I’ve crossed barriers that I shouldn’t have, please let me know. Or, if there are questions, please ask. So many things over the last three weeks you’ve thought/written are of incredible foresight. I think more than anything if we have any voice at all – you deserve to be heard. I apologize in advance for feeling in such strong alignment with your story. It is compelling. Let me know if you would like me to cover less of that which you don’t want so “out there.” I don’t think we have a very large readership, but from my own perspective … 2 weeks and four months, etc down the line … I want to include these important thoughts you are having now – in the big general picture of what is out there in a “larger view” of life. I hope I’m understandable.

    Always our best,
    Anns

    http://annsmultipleworldofpersonality.blogspot.com
    http://newsdidmpd.blogspot.com

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