Do you understand who and what I have become…..

To say it was a very emotional weekend is an understatement my son Dylan had told me that he wanted to live with me and has been saying it for quite awhile, he has told me some things that his mother wasn’t doing and really if you are me and you knew what I did you would be ashamed of her, as I am. Plainly he said that she ignores him and has more interest in face book and her new friend Pete, who by the by is not a very bad fellow. I still hate him but there is nothing I can do about it. So Dylan came over on Saturday and we talked about things that were going on over at the house and I asked him if he really wanted to live here with me and he said yes. So I had him tell his mother and to be sure she was ok with it she said that it was his choice, now he was upset he didn’t really want to hurt his mother’s feelings but he was ok at that point. Later he called his grandmother and asked her to get his school clothes ready for a week and that we would be over in a bit to get them, now this is where he started to get upset he couldn’t even talk to her at first he was Oing like a fish out of water and afterwards he got progressively more upset and I told him at that point that if he wanted to stay with his mom and Grandmother that I wouldn’t be upset and my feelings were not going to get hurt, I lied. Finally as we were talking I told him that this wasn’t an easy decision and he needed to make up his mind or I would make the decision for him. He couldn’t do it he said he wanted to live here with me and with her and I explained that, that wasn’t going to be able to happen it would be very hard emotionally on all of us so it was either here or there, he was pretty upset by this point so I just told him to get his things and I would take him back to his mothers, by the time we got there he was so upset that he was hyperventilating so all I could do is hold him and try my best to calm him down, it worked somewhat and he kept telling me that this is wrong that if it wasn’t wrong I wouldn’t be so upset, I looked him in the eye and told him that I was fine and this is what was right. I told him to get his things and go in the house and lay down and try to relax. And he did.

I was wrong in my decision and was proven right when Dylan called to see if I was ok, now I am not ok with any of this but I told him I was, now was I proven right that my decision was wrong in taking him back to his mothers, well she called him and he told her that she needed to be a better mother and pay more attention to him and not to her douche bag boyfriend, his words to me not mine. All she said was I love you let me talk to nanny, could she not have taken a bit more time to make sure that he was ok and what the hell was so important that she had to tell nanny that she couldn’t give him some more of her time. I can only guess that it had to do with me and making sure that I didn’t come back over or something to that effect. I know that it will be told that I made him want to stay and I forced him to stay, you see Gerri is not the person she was before and I am damn sure that I have something to do with that but it is not Dylan’s fault if she hates me that bad then hate me but treat our son right or he will be coming here to live with me.

I am changing again and not for the fucking better I have been hurt for the last fucking time and I am ready to tear down the fucking house of shame that bitch built, I want to take the guy that she is seeing and make him see what the fuck a world of hurt really is, but I have to ask is it right to take my anger out on him all he is out for is the girl nothing else. But see he didn’t plan on me, to say that I am at most dangerous point is to tell the fucking truth and just one little thing a small tiny thing will bring the righteous anger from within me and I will tear down the entire fucking world to make my point, fuck all of them. I am anger incarnate, rage in its truest fucking form, beware nothing for there will be nothing you can do. I am not afraid of any living man except myself; I will wade through all of my many enemies to make my presence felt in its truest form, to deny me my purpose is to deny one’s own life. Behold me for I am ANGER and I will be known to all. Sitting waiting, wanting, for that one small thing to allow me to snap and destroy all in my path, I will bring the carriage of justice with me for all to know who I am.

Dan Kline


3 Responses to “Do you understand who and what I have become…..”

  1. Dan, when I first started here at wordpress you were awe inspiring and helpful and I enjoyed coming here immensely.

    I have been here a lot lately and have found little that I felt comfortable posting about but I have stayed close and worried about you. I see your anger and know there is more to you then this.

    Your actions here show your love for your child is stronger then your anger. You haven’t torn him apart by putting him in the middle. It made me come to tears because its clear the man I came to know is still here, just hurting.

    My heart and prayers are with you. I am on line all the time if you need someone to talk to on a more personal basis you are welcome to use my email address.

    God Bless you Dan…hang in there it does get better with time.

    • All I wanted was to do what was right for him and now I am afraid that I will not get to see him anymore, I am so scared and torn up I hate to say this but this might have put me back over the edge far enough to put me back in the hospital, I have been doing so well, I cant stop crying and that in its self makes me angry, I dont know what to do now…..

      • I was in and out of the hospital so often that my kids used to consider it my summer vacation spot. More often then not it literally saved my life.

        Do what you have to do to give yourself a chance to recoup and live the life you deserve. What you are going through right now is NOT IT.

        What I found was when I got desperate they at least they took my need’s seriously and often linked me up with support systems and resources that I didn’t know about.

        What ever you do decide treat yourself kindly my friend.

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