Two things…..

Me at the VFW post Saturday night

Me at the VFW post Saturday night

This post talks about near death issues and the fear of not controling it.....

This post talks about near death issues and the fear of not controling it…..

Two things, first I almost died last night, really I am amazed that I am even alive. I am not talking about the slow lazy seeping of blood from slitting your wrists nor am I speaking of the quick death of a bullet to the brain. I am talking about knowing you are going to die and you having no control over it, it is in another’s hands. Now I will tell you the how then I will tell you the why.

I suppose that the why should come first or it will be harder to understand the how.

Saturday at 7:30pm Richard, myself and his girlfriend Connie got ready to go to the VFW Post that Richard and I got to once in awhile on Thursday nights, a friend of ours bartends up there so we go and sit with her and at the end of the night we walk her to her car. Well that Saturday we were invited up there for a benefit for the post. Now you do need to know that Richards’s girlfriend really didn’t want to go you see she was not feeling well, but under Richards’s persistence she gave in and went anyway, so to set the tone Connie really didn’t want to go in the first place, so she was a bit irritated to begin with. So we show up and because Richard and I have been there several times we were recognized by several of the older women of the VFW, they gave each of us a hug and a little chit chat about how we were, you know the small talk of people who know each other but really don’t know you at all. Then the friend of ours came up and Richard said in a teasing voice now there is my girlfriend talking of course about our friend that we saw on Thursday nights. Did not sit well with Connie to say the least. Well we were shown to our table and we had a few beers and drinks, and well let’s just say that things between Richard and Connie were a bit strained, ok plainly put she was jealous of Richards affections towards our friend, I do have to tell you that we have known this woman for a long time. Well so it went for the next several hours first they (Richard and Connie) were nit picking each other then they were holding hands and all smiles and kisses, until around 10:00pm when out of the blue Connie upended all the drinks on our end of the table spilling them everywhere including on me, well I got upset and told Richard I was done it was time to go home, I still don’t know why she did what she did with the drinks and I guess I never will find out. So as we are headed to the car I am grumbling about being wet for no apparent reason and Connie decides to snap and bitch at me and well I returned the favor. We got in the car and she immediately started in on Richard and to be honest I cannot remember what the hell she was saying, we hadn’t even left the parking lot, so we turned right out of the lot and we got maybe less than a quarter mile down the street when Richard snapped. I have to tell you that this is a man who doesn’t do anger if he is upset with you, you will know because he will ignore you, not this time he turned in his seat and just snapped he yelled at the top of his lungs that this is fucking enough that he could not and would not take any more of this shit, that it had better stop right fucking now, as you can guess it didn’t.

Now comes the part I have been thinking about all day long, it has left me pretty much helpless and in a near state of panic all day. Richard shoved the gear lever down into the low one selector on the transmission and floored the car, the car is a little four door cavalier four cylinder car, he let the car wind up to about fifty five miles per hour in low gear and then went through the other gears to put it back into drive by that time we were going over 100 miles per hour, I kept telling him that I had my son at the house please slow down I told him three times. This is where I knew I was going to die because he told me that I would survive but the rest of us will not, fear sets in the fear of not being in control, of having my life placed into the hands of a man that has lost it, no longer in rational control of both his own emotions and state of mind, we come up on a curve not a sharp curve but enough of a one that it has a guard rail we hit the end of the guard rail at 90 miles per hour, from here things get a bit hazy, but I saw it, I saw all the things I had done in my life and all the things I have yet to do, I saw every person I ever loved, I saw what it would be like for my son to know that his father was dead and how that would affect him for the rest of his life. We sideswiped another car and slid through the intersection and ended up in a grassy patch between the road and the parking lot of a White Castles, I had been thrown over the front seat smashing the front window with my back and was violently thrown back into the back seat as hard as I hit the front window. I didn’t know if or how badly I was hurt, I didn’t know if I was even dead. I had to forcibly kick my door open on the passenger side in order to get out, as I stood I could feel the muscles of my back, shoulders, left knee and left shoulder all try to pull themselves together into one big mass. The thing here is that the fear built up to a fevered pitch, I knew when we hit the guard rail that I was going to die and was told by the first responders that they didn’t know why we all walked away from this, I guess it wasn’t my time. I cannot get the fear out of my head; it has a taste sort of like copper, almost like blood. It has set me back quite a bit in the emotional department; I have the feeling in my entire body of what it was like for me as a child now. So what is it that I do know, it has shown me things I know about and some that I didn’t, it makes me treasure the things that I hold dearest to my heart and that is family.

Needless to say Richard went to jail, Connie went to the hospital and I went home, the rest of what awaits is for the future.

With much love and gratitude,

Dan Kline


One Response to “Two things…..”

  1. That it brought up how you felt as a child is something I can relate to. I too have had times I have had to wonder how and why I survived. I just thank God that you did.

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