A promise from me to me…..


So if you had been told like I have been told over the last several days that you had the emotional fortitude of a lama, you think that it would give you a hint that there is something smelly in Denmark (no offense to the people of Denmark, it is just a saying I either made up or heard somewhere), I mean it took one of my readers whom is very dear to me to, telling me to take an emotional coffee break for me to see that I have been wrapped up, twisted and borderline obsessive with the way I am feeling, insert notation here, not that I am in no way dismissing how I feel. But I am being unobjective to myself, blaming myself for how another feels or in this case felt for me or not about me at all. It is so draining, it takes so much energy from me that I have nothing left for me or for that matter anyone else, it’s as if I am putting out there for the universe a literal kick me signimages (7), if others can feel it and sense it what a put off that must be, to see me a grown ass man wallowing in self pity and wasting energy chasing my own tail.images (6)

 

Now as good as all that sounds it is very hard to stop myself from doing just that, chasing my own tail. It takes will and effort to do this and I am afraid that I haven’t the ability to stop this wallowing in self pity. I have gained from my experiences, I know what and how to love, now to step out in the world and let others see me for me, know me for me the man I am not the wretch that is sitting in front of this computer. Still sounds good right? It is even harder to contemplate going forth and finding something I know I already had and want still to this very second.

But I will make a promise to myself that from this hour forward every day I will do something for me, even something as small as to stop and look around me and find wonder in this world I do actually live in, as for the rest I will do what I can one step at a time, crawl, walk, run in that order. This I promise to myself.

With much love and gratitude,

Dan Kline

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One Response to “A promise from me to me…..”

  1. Do love ya, Dan…wish that made it better but I know it won’t. At first you were leaving me horrified that I said anything…It’s grief and its real and hard to leave behind. You’re not failing!

    I work nursing homes and it is always in my face that life IS TERMINAL! It is going to kill you.

    The only way we experience the fullness of this life is while we are here. I really think there is beauty and fullness in grief as well but you can close your eyes to the rest … was just thinking that when you put life on hold, life never stops.

    Don’t miss seeing ALL OF IT. Your life is bigger then any one person, Dan. It does nothing to degrade the value of the love you had, to know that.

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