Sexual abuse, and losing a intergal part of my system

Sexual abuse, and losing a intergal part of my system

He is gone; the little boy in my mind is gone. Perhaps I need to explain, we all know that other aspects of my mind can and do take over from time to time and well last night the little boy took over and revealed to Gerri some of our most hidden secrets, I am not sure why he did it but he felt he could trust her and she made him feel safe, then. He even asked her if she would give him a name, she did it was Kevin and he seemed to like it, but now it is scrawled onto my mind where he used to be and it looks like he used a rock to scratch it out, and underneath is only the little boy. Here is what he told her, he told her about when I was eight years old and about the sexual acts my father made me and my brothers perform on him, I will not go into the detail that was gone into last night, I don’t have the strength to talk about it right now. He was there this morning humming some damn lullaby that Gerri was singing to him last night, but now I, Khayleth and Serena can find no trace of him except some very angry face book messages left for Gerri, I am sure her feelings are hurt. I was sleeping this morning, and just woke up and I knew the minute I awoke that something was wrong with my system it is in chaos, the others including anger are searching for the little boy, I can no longer see him sitting there with his big blue eyes, I don’t see where anything has happened or was said to the little boy to make him run. This is extremely distressing to me part of me is missing and I can’t find it, I need someone to tell me how to find him he is just a little boy a huge part of me that is just gone, I don’t know what to do, there has to be someone out there who has had this happen please help me! I NEED HELP FINDING THE LITTLE BOY WITH THE BIG BLUE EYES, who until last night never said a word to anyone and now that he has he is gone. PLEASE HELP ME; I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO.



  1. I hate it that your scared by this, when it is probably a sign of something really positive. Please believe me when I tell you that your system is still whole and in tact. It’s just different.

    The one thing I know about this condition is that it is not a stable condition. That is, it is ALWAYS changing. I don’t understand the angry post but I do know that my own child disappeared as well when I dealt with her issues.

    Since this time they have all disappeared in the form that I knew them before. I still feel them here but its just much more subtle.
    Changes in the way I eat and what I am good at, but over all I
    live a more uniform stable life, I think clearer and am happier.

    You should have been protected and loved. You deserve that. You were NOT capable of protecting yourself when you were a child but you are now. Trust Yourself.

    I think you are protecting that little boy now. By hiding him you keep him from continuing the relationship he was building with Gerri. That way she can’t hurt him by leaving Him someday the way you were left by those you loved and trusted.

    That’s just me guessing. I don’t KNOW, but You do. Calm your fears, be still and quiet and listen to yourself. You have all your own answers. You are going to be fine. I will be here looking for that answer.

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