Hello it’s me, again…..

I wonder how many of you have had the same issues I am having now? I know in my own mind that change is inevitable, neccessary even. I am not sure I have a problem with this. I do have a problem with my mind feeling like it is separating, unwinding if you will like a spool of thread rolled across the floor. The way I feel now is again affecting my minute to minute life. How foolish of me to think that I was “cured”, how stupid of me to stop writing, sharing my processes and thoughts. This, this forum of shared peoples is what helped me in the first place. God I was a fool, I know that this problem with D.I.D.is something I will live with he rest of my life, it is manageable but there is no cure, honestly there is no “cooperation” between the people in my head. I don’t even know what triggered it or even when, just that I notice it now. No it was not a break up with a woman, it started well before that. No it is not my job, stressful as it may be. I have no idea exactly when it started, it just has. This issue with D.I.D. is a full-time job. The fear, anger, hate, the fact that I do not want to interact with others n a personal level is, well I am scared again, which as if you have been following me for a bit that leads to ANGER, which is one of my personalities. I even feel detached as I am writing this now, I am not sure what to do, I am not sure how to proceed. If anyone has any suggestions now would be a good time for you to tell me.I want someone to tell me what to do, to tell me that I can make it alright, to tell me I will be safe, that I can go through my life with this mental illness. Please let it be alright, I don’t know if I can handle being like I used to be, I am scared of that person.

With much fear and trepidation,

Dan Kline


2 Responses to “Hello it’s me, again…..”

  1. I know what i say does not matter to you, but i want to see you better because i love you. It will help if you let go of the hatred for the things that have happened to you. It will bring anger at bay and you may be able to get the rest of your personalities to work together to keep you stable and deminish the fear you hold so deep. Except that you can not control anything but yourself. Believe that the will be a day that things will be brighter. Anger is the hardest thing to control because emotions power rage. I learned a long time ago that no matter what i say or do, nobody but me completely understands what makes me tick. I have to talk about things that are upsetting me to keep my rage at bay. Over the past month, i have been feeling rage over my current situation and how i could fix it. My anger was building and building until i found out i could no longer hold it back. I didnt want you to see the worst part of me because i knew you had enough to deal with and adding my bitchy attitude is one more thing you didnt need. I didnt want to be the one to trigger a relapse. You are a great writer should never stop writing. I wish i would have had someone to tell me that. Maybe i would not be trying to rebuild my life. I would not have settled for my ex husband. I would have been somewhere in my life by now.

    I dont know if it would help but you could try steering clear of violence in television and books and find something that is more humorious. After all laughter is the best medicine. That is one reason i have been seeking out books that have humor, to repel the anger i hold against my job, my family, my life, my friends, and even aquaintances ( that is why i went off on the kid who hit me). I know finding humor is helping me with some of the resentment i hold to my self for putting myself into my current situation. It also is helping to have a positive outlook. My life is now on the upswing and i am hoping that i will not grow old alone, but i am not getting my hopes up. I am responsible for almost all the problem i have in my life, but things are starting to fix themselves.

    • While I do appericiate the honesty of your comment, I will say this. The things I post on here are about me, for me and no one else. If people choose to read what I am thinking they do so of their own free will, because perhaps they might be going through something like I am. Or perhaps like you they have some advice to give in good faith and sincerity. I thank you for your advice and truly do accept it. But I would ask that you keep your personal feelings for me out of my blog. This is for me (we).

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