These are the hours that pray on me most, those hours where it seems I have nothing to do but think. Thoughts racing in and around my mind, my body wandering from room to room only to find myself in the same rooms, same places, same thoughts in my mind. I can’t escape this merry go round of self-recrimination this ride of self-doubt, fear and hurt. Again I have come full circle right back to where I began this journey, knowing full well in my mind where this leads, we all know where this leads.The realization has come to me that I will forever be lonely, that all I can do is hurt the ones I love and cherish with these people that walk around with me in my head. I am alone with them forever, and forever they will be with me. I wonder do I let them rule me again, do I let the anger out, let the mother try to soothe me? Do I let the warrior and survivor take control or rather do I run and hide in the corner like the little boy? I cannot answer these questions for myself, I will just have to wait and see the end of the story, and you all know that every good story has a beginning, a middle (that hasn’t worked out so well) and an end. I am not at the beginning, and I can only assume I am in the middle headed towards the ending.

With much love and gratitude,

Dan Kline


2 Responses to “ANYONE?”

  1. Forever is a long time, Dan and company. Right now, it may seem that being alone with the others in your head, and hurting those you love, is the only reality ahead of you, but just as happiness, and good things come to an end, so do bad. It’s not the cheeriest thought from the other side of the spectrum, but it does help to keep in mind that you can keep going until you get to the breather that is goodness again.

    I’m sorry that you’ve lost your family because of all that you’re dealing with internally. I believe though, that in time, as you continue to grow more aware of all the ways that you still need to heal, and move towards finding that place where you can be what your loved ones need, and who you need, that you’ll be able to reconnect with them. As these things go, it may not be a reconnection in the way you hope, but hopefully, it will still be meaningful, and full of love.

    Don’t give up, and do take care.

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