Archive for Friendship

Just for this day…..

Posted in Alters, Anger, Depression, DID, Fatherhood & Family, Friendship, Love, PTSD, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on July 5, 2014 by dankline2000

For today I ask just this, to be granted a semblance of peace of mind. To not allow the anger to show, but to let the anger dissipate and be gone from my body, my mind and my soul. To be able to live with myself just the"Today" way I am. To be aware of what it is that I am doing, not only to myself but others. To learn to trust others as I don’t trust but one person now and it isn’t me. To show others that I am fully capable of caring and of doing for others as they have done for me. To be given the chance to love again, to truly feel the love I have felt before.

I want to just be, I am not sure if i understand what that is but I am willing to learn. I want to be calm, open minded and aware. Not closed off, not separated, not in a state of seemingly suspended animation to repeat the same mistakes over and over again. I grow weary of this cycle and wish it to stop.

To take the things I have learned in my life and to pass them on, to show, not to teach for teaching is not something I am capable of doing. To pass on what limited knowledge I have to another, I would like that to be my son, but as he grows older he has to walk his own path, but I would like him to walk that path with some of the things I have shown him along the way. This last week my son worked with me, actually worked with me to achieve a goal set before me and if it were not for him I would not have achieved that goal. To say that I am proud of him is not enough; I have no words to express how pleased I am with him. To see him work at something, to work till his arms ached, his back hurt and he was sore all over. He didn’t quit, he complained very little, but he did not stop till the day’s work was completed, then went back again the very next day and did it all over again. And yet still wants to go with me on Monday to finish the job he helped to start. How to explain or even to express how I feel towards him is impossible. All I can do is show him how much I love him and keep showing him the things that I can.

My work completes me unlike anything I have ever felt before; it starts with an idea, then to a sketch of that idea, then to drawings and construction documents of that idea. Then it goes one step farther and the idea, sketch, construction documents become a reality. To be able to share that with others gives me more pleasure than one can believe. To make an idea a reality for others to see. If I could pass on one thing to my son it would be that, take your ideas and make them a reality for the whole world or even just one person to see. I would pass this along to all of you, life is short, and life is not fair, find something that makes you happy, if it is only the simplest of things grab a hold of it and make it a reality.

 

With much love and gratitude,

Dan Kline

Respect & loyalty…..

Posted in Alters, Anger, Anxiety, Depression, DID, Friendship, Respect, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on February 17, 2013 by dankline2000

moral

Ok so it is a beautiful, crisp cold Sunday morning and around 9:00am and you want to know what I am thinking about respect and loyalty. The first is respect and to me respect is one of the hardest things in the world for me to begrudge anyone, I mean why respect anyone right? You see the list of people I respect is a very short one, hell I don’t even respect myself so why should I respect anyone else. Here are some of the things I respect in others, confidence, humor, independence, honor to one’s self and others, work ethic, personal ethics. Perhaps I should explain personal ethics as I see it, personal ethics are how one treats themselves, such as personal hygiene, taking care of one’s clothing, if their appearance is neat and tidy and clothes are clean then this person cares for themselves as much as others. Take for instance my ex-wife, she was always wearing a bit of make-up, her hair was always done, her toes were always painted and if not always her fingers there was usually a reason, she always smelled good not in a cologne way but in a freshly showered way.

Now I know that respect is much more than that it is personal habits, the way one carries himself and how a person treats others is as important as the things I have described above, so respect to me is not an easy given or deserved thing for me. I treat people like I want to be treated, I want to be spoken to and about with some kindness, I want people to be forthright and straight with people and them with me, if you have a problem or even something nice you want to say then do so, but don’t approach me with an attitude or with any reluctance at all, yes sometimes I can take it and yes sometimes I cannot, I would like to think that a normal trait and not something tied to my mental issues.

Loyalty, now that is not something I do very well a person has to earn that from me and there are very and I mean very few people in this world that have my loyalty as a matter of fact there is two people, yes only two people right now that I show nay loyalty to at all one is my son, which I guess it to be taken for granted, the other is Richard Stilger, if it weren’t for him I would be living in shelters or in a box under a bridge downtown. I have known him for many years and out of the kindness of his heart and this is very important to me, out of the kindness of his heart he gave me a place to live knowing I don’t have much money and I could not pay him for living with him. He has never asked me for money for anything as a matter of fact he even pays for everything except for my medication and my chewing tobacco. I help him every day with anything that he made need done from helping with house hold chores to helping him with his business, I don’t get any money in return and I don’t ask for any and I try to work as hard as I can to repay the debt I owe him, thing is it is not expected for me to even do what I do, he doesn’t ask and I don’t deny, I am up every morning with him and I go every time he does or doesn’t need me, if he can make the same amount of money but not have to work as hard if I am there then I am going, it just makes sense to me, probably not to others but I do it and not with a sense that I owe him anything I do it because it is the right thing to do. He even allows me to have my son over whenever I want and most o the time when Dylan is over he is still working and he tells me to spend time with my son, and he goes and does what needs to be done. Do I want to return to a normal job and have a little money in my pocket, yes and I am trying to do just that, it is hard to pay bills with just kindness, it is hard to go and do things with my son with only kindness, but until I do find a job and return to the work force I will do and go with him every day and work as hard as I can until then, then I will transfer that work ethic to the job I find.

So loyalty and respect are important to me as you have seen one more thing I want to say before I end this post. Each and every one of you who reads my blog have my respect and loyalty all of do not judge me or never do anything but give good advice or comments on my posts no matter what the content, I am so grateful for each and every one of you and I know I sometimes don’t seem to return the gesture then I am sorry, it seems I am wrapped up in myself these days and forget to let all of you know how much I do care by not going and reading your posts and liking them or even commenting on them. I am getting better and I will do my best to return the favor you have given me.

With much love and gratitude,

Dan Kline

BURDEN…..

Posted in Alters, Anger, Anxiety, Depression, DID, Drug Abuse, Fatherhood & Family, Friendship, Guilt, PTSD, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on August 22, 2012 by dankline2000

I feel the weight of the heavy burden I bear,

It’s weight pulling me down, slowing me down,

The words I hear I speak unbidden, from lips with no tongue,

I hear the cracking of my very bones, this weight upon me heavier than stone,

Each step an unbearable agony, the blisters on my feet enraged,

This weight never shifting, never truly balanced,

My mouth dry and parched, I long to drink, yet never can I lay this burden down,

My stomach rumbles and aches, longing for sustenance to prolong my wearisome journey,

My mind craves knowledge only obvious to those who teach, and yet I can no longer stop to learn,

Each step an inch, each inch a mile, each mile an eternity,

The path stretches out before me, pulling me ever onward to mine own mysterious destination,

Forever it seems this place I seek, not knowing if I may lay this burden down,

It seems a part of me and extension of mine own body, akin to another arm or leg, or perhaps even a head,

No other may share this with me for it is mine alone to carry, but the weight of it is overwhelming,

Pulling me, pushing me ever forward never to rest my cracking bones and exhausted muscles.

Dan

Being a little remiss here…..

Posted in Alters, Anger, Anxiety, Depression, DID, Friendship, Guilt, PTSD, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on August 19, 2012 by dankline2000

I do want to say this I have been completely engrossed with my internal struggles to the point that I have neglected my friends here on Word Press, I haven’t been reading your posts, I haven’t commented on a single one and that isn’t right, I have faith and trust in all of you to understand and find something in each of my posts that perhaps you can relate to, I always find a word or two in each of your posts that resonates with in me. Perhaps I can get over this self centeredness soon and go back to the camaraderie that I find with each and every one of you, please forgive me and know I won’t be like this forever.

With much gratitude and devotion,

Dan Kline

Family or Friends…..

Posted in Alters, Anger, Anxiety, Depression, DID, Friendship, PTSD, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on August 19, 2012 by dankline2000

sometimes you have to make the hard decisions

There are going to be two posts that I write about today and both of them are things that have been weighing heavy upon my mind. The first is the fact that my wife doesn’t seem to like one of my best friends and not without certain reasons I suppose, and the second is the country. I am laying here with a stopped up head I have sinusitis which sucks cause it feels like my sinuses have dried up completely and it is very painful and I have had a headache for about 3 days.

Ok let’s start with the best friend, Stephen now some of you may already have heard of him others may not have, but to me he is a good guy over the years he has helped me out a number of times doing various things that best friends do like helping to fix cars, helping to fox things around the house, hanging out just because we can, going hunting, fishing and camping with the entire family. He would give you the shirt off his back if you really needed it and quite frankly he has on more than one occasion. Now these are all good traits as I hope that you can see, so now we will go into the reason I think that my wife don’t like about him.

Well when he gets drunk he gets loud and opinionated. My wife thinks that he talks me into all kinds of things like the dreaded bar hopping, really if I didn’t want to do something do you really think that my constitution is so low that I can be talked into anything that I don’t really want to do? He is secretly or not really all that secretly in love with my wife and has been for years and he tends to get touchy feely with her and I thought I had put a stop to that till the other night when we got here drunk and he was all baby this and baby that, well now it is time to make the decision about Stephen, I have given him one chance about this and now it is time to kick him to the curb, he is single go find your own woman this one is taken by me and will never, ever have anything to do with him. Hard thing to do but I choose my wife over my supposed best friend. And really it is hard to have single friends and be married they can go and do anything they want at the drop of a hat and really I have to think about the ramifications of family before I can make any decisions, and I don’t mind doing that I have a family and I love my family.

God I need some ibuprofen or something my head and neck really hurt. And I am on the path to actually not drinking anymore ay all, it just takes too long for my body to recuperate, sometimes for days after words, and during that time I am not able to help my wife in the capacity that is needed. So really is one night of fun worth 2-3 days of a hangover? Not really. It all comes down to this, she thinks that he talks me into all kinds of things and that is really not true, and I think she is having self image problems and that I might find someone else to replace her and that will never happen, I love my wife very much as all of you know and I will never go anywhere ever for the rest of our natural born lives and probably even longer than that.

Hey I think I have mastered getting my point across on my posts in fewer words than I have in the past

End of story, I love my wife and I choose my wife over any and everybody else, including Stephen Troy Raper.

With much gratitude and devotion,

Dan Kline

A little note for my wife…..

Posted in Alters, Anger, Anxiety, Depression, DID, Drug Abuse, Fatherhood & Family, Friendship, Guilt, PTSD, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on August 11, 2012 by dankline2000

with all my heart and soul

I also understand that when I drink I tend to get mean especially the last few months, give me another chance to prove to you that mentally I am no longer that man, and that I can be just like I used to be a happy go lucky drunk goof ball, who still loves you and wants you for who you are right at this very moment, this may sound mushy and it is, but I have never been more in love with you in our entire marriage than I am right now.

And now to explain why, you have shown great courage and determination since getting this disease, you have gotten stronger both mentally and spiritually, and to me that just adds to your physical beauty just that much more, if I only had half of your courage I would not have gotten addicted to Xanax and I would better be able to handle my mental issues, I don’t think you understand what it is like looking at you from the outside. You really seem more alive right now than ever before and you make every effort that you are able to help me when you are the one in need now, you let me cry on your shoulder, even if you don’t remember, you rubbed my head and told me you loved me and that I would be alright, because of you and how you are handling your issues, it gives me the strength not to give up, this is what you do for me, and I bet you didn’t even know that.

With all my love and heart,

Dan Kline

Well tis about time I can get out fer a bit…..

Posted in Alters, Anger, Anxiety, Books I have read, Depression, DID, Fatherhood & Family, Friendship, Guilt, Knights Tedmplar, Music, Poetry, PTSD, Religion, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 27, 2012 by dankline2000

well it do look like me after a hard day o riding or fightin or maybe drinking

Oy, does anyone know what then little buttons on the side im supposed to click, I am supposed to click them right, what am I asking fer now ya havent even read the damn thing yet, oh well I will push them all. HAR. Knights Templar I were thinking we werent supposed to talk about them? I’m just hopin I did this right, been a while since I wrote one o these damn things, ow am I supposed to remember all this nonsense?

Well I don know rightly if I should write fer Dan or not, he is out on a bit of a holiday fer now, and rightly he deserves it to say the least. Like I been replying all night fer the little bastard he done and went and wore heself out doing all that damn running in the heat over the last week or so, no man should ave to be out in that there heat fer very long, hmm memory response in the old fingers when we type, actually wants to spell werds the way he would but he cant cause I am in charge fer a bit. What a lark him actually typing the way I speak, or am I typing the way I speak, ok that there boggles the mind a bit. Don tell im but I snuck a few o hes snacks from the kitchen, I like them there Nutty Bars, they are good and tasty, that they are. Hey whats say we talk about Dan while he is gone, I’m not talking anything big but something that is maybe funny or embarrassing but wont cause too much anger in the boy, he kinda deserves it fer the other day anyhow, well lets see what we can do about this, he has had the same sorts of things happen to him that others ave, you know like being pants on high school, but he did beat the crap out of the guy, and he did lose es swimming trunks in the public pool one time, and then there was the time when he were at an away game playing hockey and went to moon a passing car and got hes ass cheeks frosted to the window glass o the bus, that were funnier than hell cause he had to force hes cheeks offin the window without any warm water and he lost a few layers o ass skin fer that one, har that were a good one to be sure. But what else has happened to Dan that might be embarrassing to im, I am gonna ave to think bout this a little, well really there aint much cepting fer the few things I already told ye, he did very well at hes bootcamp training and was a damn fine soldier, fought with honor that he did, made me proud to be a part o him, or he a part o me. Oh he did step on his junior prom dates dress and rip it offin her young little body and she was left standing in her panties, but wait that weren’t so embarrassing to im and more ta her, so that won work. Well hells bells I really cant think o nothing so I am gonna end this, it is beginning to be more like werk than I like, now give me a good brawl and a pint o ale or mead, I do luv me some mead and I am a happy little blighter to say the least, they don ave mead in the US though I might find er in a micro brewery had to use a bit o Dan s brain fer that one couldn’t remember what the hell it were called, so then I am off ye fine lads and lasses, ave yerself a good evening and a great morrow. Damn I didna write about a damn thing did I?

Khayleth

A talk with my son, actually I am spilling the beans to his mother, but tell no one…..

Posted in Alters, Anger, Anxiety, Depression, DID, Fatherhood & Family, Friendship, PTSD, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on July 26, 2012 by dankline2000

sorry it is an old picture, but this is my boy

See I don’t want to start this post in the usual way that I normally do with words like so, and or I am, this is kind of a post about telling secrets without actually voicing the words because I was sworn not to tell his mother about what we talked about last night my son asked me not to tell his mother, well I am being a little sneaky and underhanded but technically he didn’t say I couldn’t blog about it so I am, knowing that his mother reads my blog, and I am not physically telling her anything and I am not even blogging to her, I am blogging in general to all of my friends not just her, ok I think we all get the point I am making so on with the telling already. Sheesh already running off at the mouth aint he.

So I went school clothes shopping with my son yesterday and we were getting uniforms for his school, making sure he had the right color pants and shirts, oh and remind me to go back and get some long sleeve ones for winter, alright I am getting on with the story, so I asked him what size pants he was wearing and he said heck I don’t know so I looked at the back of his pants and they said 33×28 cool that was easy or so I thought, we go through and find all the polo shirts in all the right colors and size then we have to have a certain type of pants, no cargo, no extra pockets and so on, well that took a minute for us to find but we did and I grabbed a pair of 33×28 Dickies pants and said go try them on, well he didn’t want to but with a little dad type persasusion he decide it would be a good idea to try them on, so I am standing there waiting and I finally go over to the fitting room and say how do they fit, they don’t, ok so I grab a pair of 34×28 and give them to him, they didn’t fit either, ok so I gave him a pair of 36×28 pants and all of them are in the men’s section and he tried them on and I said what about now, and he said yep they fit, cool we are in the green now and only went to one place to get his uniforms so I grab 6 pairs of pants in different colors that is for his school and we head to the check out, pay and zoom we are gone. So we finish our day of shopping at the mall for shoes we eat and grab some things for mom, and now we are really done and ready to go home, see I really don’t see why you go off and tell something that isn’t really important to the story Dan, you need to get to the point and tell them what happened. Ok so I am a little wordy get over it I am telling a story here, so we get home and this is where I should tell you a little more about my sons physical attributes, that is if no one wants to complain about going off on a tangent, he is 12 and he is probably not even 5 foot tall and well he is, he is chubby, he has a shelf belly just like his older brother Michael, once again not important, bullshit it is cause it tells of what he looks like. His belly starts at his throat and ends right at his waistline so that should give you an idea and he probably hasn’t seen his penis since he got one, ok that was not even the correct thing to say about your son Daniel keep on point and get to the point, how am I supposed to get anything done with all these interruptions, ok so we got home and he is at that height that he doesn’t quite fit into normal length pants so his grandmother hems them for him. So she grabs all the shirts and all the pants and puts them on hangers and pointedly asks me if he tried them on I said yes I was standing right there, ok so she hangs them up and then later she asks Dylan to get a pair of his pants for her to measure the length and she would start hemming them, so in Dylan fashion he drops trousers right in the hallway, did I ever tell you that none of my children especially my daughter and my youngest son have no inhibitions? Well he grabs the pants and pulls them on and he has to lift his belly out of the way and suck in on the rest of his gut to get them snapped, they don’t fit. And well nanny looked at me and said did you see them after he had them on, I said no he was in the little dressing room and he said they fit, and by looking at him and the pants you could tell they didn’t fit, she then said you can’t trust him to tell you if they fit I did it once and they ended up not fitting, so now I look like an ass and his pants don’t fit and I got to go all the way back and exchange them for a size 38×28 men’s pants, you could see the pain in his face as it fell, his feelings were hurt and I wasn’t sure why and I thought at first it was because of what his grandmother had said, so he takes them off and storms to his room and shuts the door, I watched him go thinking there is a problem and I need to find it and fix it the best I can, so after helping nanny put the pants in the bag finding the receipt and getting lectured the whole time, I wasn’t listening my son was upset and I wanted to know why?

So I knock on his door and I walk in and you can see that he is almost in tears and I ask him what is the matter, now usually we do this thing that when he don’t want to talk to me about something I usually let it go but this time I couldn’t so I asked if he was upset with his grandmother he said she sort of hurt his feelings and I said but that isn’t all of it is it, he said no and it took a little bit for me to get it out of him but he finally told me, almost on tears that he was upset because he was only 12 years old and was wearing a man’s 38 pants, my heart broke. So I told him that it was ok and he shook his head and told me he didn’t want to look like both of his older brothers, and I said I understand but what do you want to do about it, he said I don’t know, I said I can give you some advice but that is what I did for your older brothers and they didn’t take my advice, but I will tell you if you want me to. He shook his head and looked at me like I could fix the world, hell I can barely get my own ass out of bed in the morning, do I really have the right to give my son any advice, I did it for his brothers so I will do it for him.

I told him that there was a way to help him feel better and that if he followed my advice and did some simple things it would work in his favor, and asked him again if he wanted me tell him and he said yes. So I said the problem you are having is that you feel you are fat and that you don’t think you should be at 12 wearing a man’s size 38 pants, is that the problem? He said yes. I said ok the first thing I wanted to talk about was what and how much he was eating and when he was eating, and I said all of us do this, most everybody in the world has done this including me, it is called boredom eating, you don’t have anything else to do so you head to the kitchen and bam you got something to do get a snack or eat something and you do and it is usually late at night just before you go to sleep, right? He said yes that he did that and I told him hell son I did it just last night, and we always have something sweet on hand whether it is a cake, cookies, brownies or even store bought junk food, nanny is a baker plain and simple, can’t stop her and can’t tell her not to do it, it is what she does to combat boredom herself. So I asked him about how many times a day do you think you eat. He said one to two times a day, I said there is part of your problem if you only eat once a day and it is dinner what happens, he shrugs so I continue and tell him that you gorge eat, you eat as much as possible because you only fed your body once that day, now I ask him what do we usually do after dinner, he said around on computers or watch TV and then bed. So I say what do you think happens to all the food when you are not active, he said it turns into fat, right I say. So I tell him to make sure that he eats more than one time a day, I don’t care if it breakfast and dinner or lunch and dinner or whatever I told him it would be better for him to eat several small things all day long, it will give him energy and will keep him healthier. I asked if he understood what I was trying to say, he said kind of so I explained it more to him and I also talked to him about portion control, and I asked him when he gets his late night snack usually pizza rolls how many do you get, he said I don’t know a plate full, I said ok so more than twenty, he said yes. Well I said that isn’t portion control you just pile them all on the plate and don’t care how many is there and eat them all, yes. I said one of the best ways to lose weight was portion control, I don’t care what you eat I said but I care about how much you eat of it. He kind of gave me a funny look I could tell he didn’t understand so I said that if you eat smaller amounts more often it is better for your body and digestion than eating twenty or more pizza rolls at 9 in the night, so he kinds of got the idea I am going to have to work with him on that, so I said when you eat how do you know if you are full or not, he said of course when I am done eating, no that is not really right yes you are full when you are done eating but are you over full where you are uncomfortable, he said yes. I told him that when he eats to notice how his stomach feels and when you feel full or comfortable then stop eating, still one more thing we will work on but he is getting the idea and I can see his is thinking about what I am saying. So now I ask him what are some things that he could do to help him lose weight. He said eat less, yes that is one way bit what are some things you can do for yourself to help you lose weight? He said work out, bingo I said how and what would you do to work out, he said I can’t do anything the treadmill doesn’t work and the nautilus machine downstairs is broken, I said is there anything else you could do right here in your own room to help you lose weight, he looked around and said nothing, so I asked him if he remembered what a PRT for the Army was, he shook his head and I told him it was a physical readiness test to see if a soldier was in shape and they gave them periodically as a check and I asked him if he remembered what I did to get ready or stay ready for those tests, he said no, I told him I did sit ups and pushups and that the Army had a standard of how many you were supposed to do to get a good score based on your age, and he asked how many did I have to do to get a good score, I told him 100 pushups and 50 sit ups and run 2.5 miles, and I told him I always screwed the run, my body apparently doesn’t work that way and the Army recognizes that and adjusts your scores accordingly. So I told him that he could do them in his room and for himself, well we went downstairs and was looking at the nautilus machine to see if maybe we could fix it, we can’t cable is broken. So we talked about other things like riding his bike or there was a part of the machine that wasn’t broke where you suspend your own weight and then pull your knees up to your waist or you could use your whole leg and put them out in front of you, I said try it and he did and he couldn’t even hold himself up and he tried and tried till he was out of breath, I said there you know what you were doing he said ya I was trying to get up there, I said nope you were exercising, I said you can come down here all day long and try to get up there and eventually you will get up there and I showed him the correct position to be in when he finally got up there. So we went and sat down by the machine and he said will you work out with me, I said no, and here is the reason why, it isn’t because I don’t want to, it is because of this and only this. You have to do it for you and want to do it for you and nobody else, he said you won’t even push me to do it, I said what like a drill sergeant he said yes, I told him that then he was only doing it because I was screaming in his face for him to do it, and he asked but isn’t that what happened in boot camp, I said yes but that was different they were changing me from a civilian to a soldier.

I finally put it to him like this, I said the only thing in life that will help you is you, now people may do things like this with you but if you are doing it for yourself and know why you are doing it then that will make all the difference in the world, because the only one who can do it is you. I said remember when I went to the hospital for the first time, yes, I said did I do it because I was told to or did I do it because I needed to do it for myself, he said I think you did it for yourself, I said right I had a problem that needed to be fixed and I went to the hospital so that I could fix myself, not your mother or you or anyone else, I did it for me. And you have something that is making you upset right, right, you are upset because you don’t want to be 12 years old and be wearing a size 38 men’s pants right, right. So I said I have given you some advice and I have told you some things that you can do to help you fix the problem for yourself, I said you can choose to take this advice, the same advice I gave to your brothers or not it is your decision, but remember you have to want to change and you have to want to change for you, not me or momma or nanny, only for you, do you understand, yes I guess so, I said that is not an answer it is either you understand or you don’t, and he said he understood. I then told him that only one person in our family has taken my advice about much of anything and that was your sister and it wasn’t about this, and your brothers both came to me with the same problem, he says ya but they are still fat, and I said that was because they didn’t follow the advice I gave them, and I give you the same option I gave them either take the advice and do it or don’t and live with the way you are, and if you are comfortable with you then so am I, I said no never worry I love you no matter what you look like or what you do or if you don’t take my advice, that is not how a dad works, it aint how we roll, no look I have been quiet most of this story and let you tell it the way you would tell it, but you are not ghetto or a gangster and neither id Dylan, so stick to the southern boy way of speaking, damn ok. In the end it is up to him whether he takes what I have told and runs with it or not, the ball is now in his hands, and will see one way or the other, but never ever think that I don’t love my son.

With much gratitude and devotion,

Dan Kline and friends!

In much appreciation. thank you…..

Posted in Alters, Anger, Anxiety, Depression, DID, Friendship, PTSD, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on July 18, 2012 by dankline2000

Reader Appreciation Award

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well a wonderful thing happened to us today we were nominated for the Reader Appreciation Award by my fellow blogger and phenomenal friend http://makeupandmirtazapine.com, I really want to say thank you to her for this. I have some things that I apparently need to include in this post and I will put them on here. I do have to say that her page is insightful and intuitive and very well written even when she doesn’t think so, lol. Go by and check out her blog and find out for yourself. Ok on to the requirements.

The rules of this award are as follows:

  1. Include the award logo somewhere in your blog.
  2. Answer the 10 questions below for fun, if you want to.
  3. Nominate 10 to 12 blogs that you enjoy, or you pick the number.
  4. Pay the love forward: Provide your nominees with a link to your post and comment on their blog to let them know they’ve been included and invited to participate.
  5. Pay the love back with gratitude and a link to the blogger(s) who nominated you.

The Questions:

  • What is your favorite color? Funny I don’t have one favorite color I have many depending on my mood, but I have to pick one I would say today it is orange.
  • What is your favorite animal? Something sleek and powerful and very stealthy, I am going with the Aortic Timber Wolf
  • What is your favorite non-alcoholic drink? I don’t drink non-alcoholic drinks, sorry love my beer.
  • What do you prefer Twitter or Face book? I will have to say that my involvement with Face book has been nothing but drama, and I have a twitter account but don’t use it.
  • What is your favorite pattern? The rings of a tree.
  • Would you rather receive or give presents? I do give all the normal presents on the normal days, and I would rather give than receive, but I like to give the just because gifts, like if you are walking through the mall or a store and think well so and so would like that or it would be cool to get them that just because it caught your eye and made you think of that person those are the gifts I like to give.
  • Favorite number? I have never had a lucky number, and I am not going to make one up.
  • Favorite day? I would have to say May 31st, the day I married my wife.
  • Favorite flower? Now this is one that is very hard yet easy to answer, only because I love all flowers, but my favorite is the purple iris, I have it tattooed on the inside of my let arm surrounded by tribal designs.
  • Passion? Reading, my family, camping and all the outdoor type of things that I haven’t done in a long time. Oh and tattoos, I have a few and well I think they are pretty cool and each one has meaning, and I think it is time for a few new ones to be inked upon my skin.

My Nominations:

I have gotten a lot of great support from each and every site nominated above, they have given freely of themselves and taken nothing in return except my undying gratitude, and support for each and every one of them. The last one on my list is realitively new to reading my blog but I have so much in common with her and her husband Mark and they really need all the support they can get, she does so much and it doing while dealing with her own issues at the same time, please go to her site and if nothing else just read about their lives, I would take it as a personal favor from each of you if you would please.

With much gratitude and devotion,

Dan Kline

Public Apology to Bourbon

Posted in Alters, Anger, Anxiety, Depression, DID, Friendship, Guilt, PTSD, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on July 15, 2012 by dankline2000

I am posting a public apology to Bourbon, on one of the questions that I answered from questions from my blog it seems I inadvertently cause her harm in the response to the question and it seemed that I was attacking her. I am here to put the situation right, the question follows as well as my answer.

How are you today?

See you would have to ask this question on this day when all went to hell in a hand basket, I am depressed and answering questions on a blog, so how well do you think I am doing? I have gone through the gambit today, I started out fine then read my blog and then got depressed and then that pissed me off and I spent the rest of the day and right now second guessing everything I have been told about myself and all of my diagnosis’s and whether my Doctor is right or if I am making all this shit up as I go along. I think that is enough for now.

I was replying in a general way that was not actually directed at Bourbon and I have hurt or made Bourbon unhappy with me by my answer to the question. It was not my

will you still love me even though i was wrong

purpose to intentionally hurt or harm in any way. She has been one of my biggest supports on my blog with answers and advice and just there for me to talk to when I have needed it. I am so sorry that this response may have caused you harm in any way, and I am asking you publicly if you will forgive my oversight by not monitoring my responses better than I have. I can how this answer could be misconstrued and totally taken in the wrong context.

With much gratitude and devotion,

Dan Kline