Here it is…..

It always seems to amaze me, these thought processes I have. They shift and move flowing from one subject to the next. Never seeming to stand firm on any one thing. I can’t seem to control how the information flows from second to second. I mean I realize I am crazy, I admit it freely but come on cant I just stop and focus for one fucking minute? Whatever seems to be going on in my mind is not very clear, it’s muddy and murky and I don’t seem to be able to hold my thoughts still long enough to even get an idea of what it is. Is it time to take a break, to stop trying and just see what happens? I am not having black outs again, I do seem to be overly agitated. But I can put that down to being so, well almost manic. Up and down, up and down…..

Still me…..

So I have to look at things in a different light about this change it seems I am making. I have to realize that not only does this change affect us, but also others in my life, i.e. family, friends and yes my loved ones and also my former loved ones. It will effect all of us. But I am also asking myself,,,,,,,,,,,,ah fuck this. Why does it have to be so fucking hard, why can it not be easy. Life used to be easy,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, so what now? I wish that the past would just return. But with that comes its own set of issues.

Dan

Hello it’s me, again…..

I wonder how many of you have had the same issues I am having now? I know in my own mind that change is inevitable, neccessary even. I am not sure I have a problem with this. I do have a problem with my mind feeling like it is separating, unwinding if you will like a spool of thread rolled across the floor. The way I feel now is again affecting my minute to minute life. How foolish of me to think that I was “cured”, how stupid of me to stop writing, sharing my processes and thoughts. This, this forum of shared peoples is what helped me in the first place. God I was a fool, I know that this problem with D.I.D.is something I will live with he rest of my life, it is manageable but there is no cure, honestly there is no “cooperation” between the people in my head. I don’t even know what triggered it or even when, just that I notice it now. No it was not a break up with a woman, it started well before that. No it is not my job, stressful as it may be. I have no idea exactly when it started, it just has. This issue with D.I.D. is a full-time job. The fear, anger, hate, the fact that I do not want to interact with others n a personal level is, well I am scared again, which as if you have been following me for a bit that leads to ANGER, which is one of my personalities. I even feel detached as I am writing this now, I am not sure what to do, I am not sure how to proceed. If anyone has any suggestions now would be a good time for you to tell me.I want someone to tell me what to do, to tell me that I can make it alright, to tell me I will be safe, that I can go through my life with this mental illness. Please let it be alright, I don’t know if I can handle being like I used to be, I am scared of that person.

With much fear and trepidation,

Dan Kline

Hello, it’s me…..

I believe that there is something happening to my mind. I find that I cannot hear myself, I cannot feel myself. I am afraid that I am breaking up again. The world holds little charm for me again, it’s all just a little too big for me. I am not thinking of ending my life but perhaps my lifestyle. I fear I need to change in order to survive, because you see I cannot go on in the manner in which I have been, constantly shifting personalities like the shuffling of a deck of cards. The lies I tell myself in order to make it from day to day. The constant feeling of having to protect myself, yes I know, all sounds a bit paranoid if you ask us, but I didn’t and I won’t you see because we cannot be trusted to even make sure that all of us don’t come out at once, all in the same place, space and time. Thus we begin again, time to reinvent William Daniel Boyd Kline one more time.

With all my love and gratitude,

Dan  Kline