Archive for the PTSD Category

CBT Oil more answers than questions?

Posted in Alters, Anger, Anxiety, Depression, DID, ME, PTSD, Uncategorized on April 11, 2018 by dankline2000

Ya, so that title is backward on purpose, just as I was finishing writing the last blog I found this.

 

HOLY SHIT BATMAN, THE JOKES ON ME,

I am not even going to try to copy paste this or rewrite it so here is the link.

 

https://www.solcbd.com/blogs/news/doing-it-wrong-how-to-dose-cbd-oil-for-anxiety

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So CBT Oil….. Pro’s / Con’s?

Posted in Alters, Anger, Anxiety, Depression, DID, ME, PTSD, Uncategorized on April 11, 2018 by dankline2000

So I have decided to try something different for a change and I am doing this on a trial basis, I have been taking CBT (hemp oil) 1000mg in 33mg doses for the last 3 days. On the first day of taking it, I found that I did feel different, calmer, more or should I say less anxious, angry, and even less fearful. But I am going to put that down as the placebo effect if you think it works then it actually will. That night I only took 3mg of Xanax to fall asleep. I won’t even get started on the fucking fact that a six-week therapy drug has been in my system for over ten fucking years, fucking with my nervous system, shakes or tremors, serious mood swings, but I digress this is not that blog, YET!

Ok so day two went well still had the same feeling as day one but I did notice something else, I was engaging others which as you well know I don’t do very well. Actually, I should say I did when I was younger but that was then and things have been extremely different the last 20 years or so. But I was actually engaging in conversation and, wait for it, just wait for it…… cracking fucking jokes, believe it or not, my friends I have a great sense of humor and my off the cuff jokes and pretty damn good. Is this CBT oil working? Not going to render judgment just yet. That night still took 3mg of Xanax to get to sleep.

And now day three, I actually slept the whole night but awoke in somewhat of a grouchy mood, didn’t want to get out of bed and actually ran through some thoughts in my head about how to get out of work today. But I am at work, speaking of which on day two I was more focused and on task than I have been in a while. Still not rendering a judgment. I do know that the starter dose will not work for a full 24 hours so I asked and was told that for different afflictions (yes I said that) that different doses were used. That the 33mg was just the suggested starter dose. And here is what I found out from Medical News Today Online and dated December 2017, just saying.

Chronic pain: Take between 2.5 and 20 milligrams (mg) by mouth for no more than 25 days.

Epilepsy: Consume between 200 and 300 mg of CBD by mouth daily for up to 4.5 months.

Movement problems associated with Huntington’s disease: Taking 10 mg every day for six weeks can help ease movements.

Sleep disorders: Take between 40 and 160 mg.

Schizophrenia: Consume between 40 and 1,280 mg CBD by mouth daily for up to 4 weeks.

Glaucoma: One dose of between 20 and 40 mg applied under the tongue can help to relieve pressure in the eye. However, caution is advised – doses greater than 40 mg might actually increase pressure.

Patients with chronic anxiety are often advised to avoid cannabis, as THC can trigger or amplify anxiety and paranoia in some people.

However, a review from Neurotherapeutics suggests that CBD may help to reduce the anxiety felt by people with certain anxiety disorders.

 

The researchers point to studies showing that CBD may reduce anxiety behaviors in disorders such as:

 

Post-traumatic stress disorder

General anxiety disorder

Panic disorder

Social anxiety disorder

Obsessive-compulsive disorder

The review notes that current medications for these disorders can lead to additional symptoms and side effects and that people may stop taking the drugs because of these unwanted effects.

CBD has not shown any adverse effects in these cases to date, and the researchers call for CBD to be studied as a potential treatment method. But people please note that they have no suggested dosage for this and as far as my research has shown they don’t it is as needed on a case by case account.

So now on day three I have taken 33mg this morning and plan to take another 15mg about 5pm and see the effects and then if needed another 15mg at bedtime. If anyone knows more than what I am sharing or has any thoughts at all please share them because it sucks having Xanax poisoning and the fact that they put me on Wellbutrin to help me decrease and stop taking the Xanax is not working. And no I have not told my Doctor and yes I have stopped taking the Wellbutrin but that was because it was making me angrier like it did the last time I took it and yes I stopped taking it about two weeks before trying the oil.

Still, what to use as a Title…..

Posted in Alters, Anger, Anxiety, Depression, DID, Fatherhood & Family, Guilt, Loss, Love, PTSD, Questions, Respect, Uncategorized on April 18, 2017 by dankline2000

I’m just sitting here, jumbled mind, incoherent emotions not really knowing how I am feeling or even what I am thinking. My life feels stifled, stagnant even, not moving in any direction at all. I have gone through the loss cycle again, lost almost all of my physical things we already know about my mind. My job is not going very well and actually I have been contemplating a move a life change. To be honest I am no longer sure what to do. I know the only reason I stay here is because my son lives here and although he is now 17 I think he still needs me, explanation my son and I haven’t seen each other at all and it has been that way since he was 15, I am to blame sometimes my alters get in the way of…. I cannot blame them the truth is it was the weekend and I was drinking and that is one hell of a no, no with my condition because, well things get really fucked up in my mind. I mean honestly the truth needs to be told and I have no one else to tell but you guys. The where’s, whys and how’s of the situation are not important what is important is the fact that I lost control of my mouth and I let the landscape of my mind flow right out of my…… guys there was a whole lot of things going on at the time and I really don’t know how to explain all of this but I know I need to try.

 

Ok, so he had started smoking pot about age 14, I don’t condemn him and I asked him why one day while riding in the…. Aww geeez there is so much to this that I need a moment.

In regards to a question…..

Posted in Alters, Anger, Guilt, ME, PTSD, Questions, Uncategorized on January 30, 2017 by dankline2000

Marieolivia (a reader of one of my posts Yes I do this….)

3 daysletsgetstartedbaby.wordpress.com

To me this sounds like not taking responsibility for your own life. So if no one else cares about you (or so you say) why don’t YOU care? Why don’t YOU give a shit about yourself? You also write that nothing changes, and nothing gets better, isn’t this a perfect example that cutting doesn’t help you either. It gives relief, and we need relief. We crave it desperately, but don’t delude yourself into thinking that cutting takes your problems away.

You asked your reader (in this instance me) where this leaves you. This leaves you with one hell of a job to get out of the funk. But you’re the only one that can do it. And it will never change before you decide that it will. I believe that you can change your life.

 

Thank you first of all for being so forthright and bluntly honest, I truly do appreciate this.

The questions you’re asking me about my post are not very easy to answer but then they just might be simpler than I think. No, I don’t take responsibility for my own life not anymore, reasons are not easy for me to explain but in the end, the truth is I just don’t. I have fucked it up beyond all recognition. No, I don’t give 2 shits about myself, but have you heard the saying that those who can’t do, teach? Guess you could say the same about myself, if I truly didn’t give 2 shits about myself shouldn’t I have done something about by now instead of bitch and complain? I tried; I tried really hard but just couldn’t do it. Change, now change is a scary subject for me. The issue is I have tried to change only to end up right back where I started. You know what this is the same old drivel and dumbass shite that I have been writing about since I started this blog.

So I will take your advice MarieOlivia, where does this leave me?

Yes, I do this…..

Posted in Alters, Anger, Anxiety, Depression, DID, Guilt, ME, PTSD with tags on January 27, 2017 by dankline2000

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I cut…………………

Don’t ask why because if you don’t know about it then you don’t know the release that it brings. To me, it works better than meds. Mostly my left hand right above the thumb, it has been cut on so many times it has no feelings. Why do I do it is the question many people will ask, the whys and what for. I will tell you this I get to the point where nothing else works, not pills, booze, sleep, nothing else works so I cut, and no it doesn’t hurt it does release the endorphins that settle me down. I am not even sure why I am admitting this now of all times, oh yes I do this is perhaps the most stressful point in my life. Literally, I have lost everything. No, I don’t want to kill myself but I do want this time period of my life to move on, think Ground Hog Day with Bill Murray. It seems that every day is the same nothing I do differently seems to matter. I try and try and yet to what end, I still have the stressors, I still have the same fucking thoughts, I stand in absolute silence staring out into the world and seeing nothing but shit, fuck this, I hate it. I have said at least once a day my entire adult life, no one listens to me, no gives a fuck about me and never will. So my dear reader where the fuck does that leave me? I will let you answer that for yourself.

With much gratitude,

Dan Kline

So what, do you have an answer?????

Posted in Anger, Anxiety, Depression, DID, Fatherhood & Family, Guilt, PTSD on September 5, 2016 by dankline2000

There is no winning or losing, you either want to wake up in the morning or you don’t, and if you can’t find a way to live with yourself well then why run away from it. Why because I don’t want to die, I want to live, not survive but live. But if you can’t find a way to do that, then you’re fucked. This, this right here, right now in this instance, this very fucking second in my life is not living; fuck it this isn’t even existing. So fuck it I’m done running because I’m having one fucking hell of a time living with myself. All my reasons are gone, my son doesn’t want anything to do with me and no one and not even my son will tell me what the fuck I did. I have gone through so many scenarios of what if’s with that, that I can’t even tell you what fucking day of the god damn week it is. I can’t pay my way in this fucking messed up self-centered world because my work just tells me it’s coming this is just the calm before the storm, I got no fucking food in my house to eat you stupid fuckers. I can’t even force myself to give two shits about a fucking thing. Fuck work, bills, family, friends, and this fucking world in general. I’m fucking sick of the struggle, don’t you see that? I’m fucking sick of worrying about the day to day mundane fucking bullshit like bills, food, work, relationships (ya it’s so fucked up I had to say it twice), all of it is so fucking tiring that I don’t fucking care anymore. I keep asking for help, it never comes so why, tell me why shouldn’t I just give the fuck up? To think I was a fighter, what a fucking joke. All I am is tired, lost and in need of just one, one thing to see me through, rest….. Honestly in your heart you wanna wake up tomorrow and the next day because that day, that day right there might just be the best fucking day of your life, probably just stick around and see, but in this case you might just want to have faith. It’s just too fucking bad I have been proven wrong on this account too many times.

Fuck it all,

Dan Kline

Here it is…..

Posted in Alters, Anger, Anxiety, Depression, DID, Guilt, Loss, Possible Paranoia, PTSD with tags , , , , , , , , , , on June 26, 2015 by dankline2000

It always seems to amaze me, these thought processes I have. They shift and move flowing from one subject to the next. Never seeming to stand firm on any one thing. I can’t seem to control how the information flows from second to second. I mean I realize I am crazy, I admit it freely but come on cant I just stop and focus for one fucking minute? Whatever seems to be going on in my mind is not very clear, it’s muddy and murky and I don’t seem to be able to hold my thoughts still long enough to even get an idea of what it is. Is it time to take a break, to stop trying and just see what happens? I am not having black outs again, I do seem to be overly agitated. But I can put that down to being so, well almost manic. Up and down, up and down…..