Archive for the Questions Category

Still, what to use as a Title…..

Posted in Alters, Anger, Anxiety, Depression, DID, Fatherhood & Family, Guilt, Loss, Love, PTSD, Questions, Respect, Uncategorized on April 18, 2017 by dankline2000

I’m just sitting here, jumbled mind, incoherent emotions not really knowing how I am feeling or even what I am thinking. My life feels stifled, stagnant even, not moving in any direction at all. I have gone through the loss cycle again, lost almost all of my physical things we already know about my mind. My job is not going very well and actually I have been contemplating a move a life change. To be honest I am no longer sure what to do. I know the only reason I stay here is because my son lives here and although he is now 17 I think he still needs me, explanation my son and I haven’t seen each other at all and it has been that way since he was 15, I am to blame sometimes my alters get in the way of…. I cannot blame them the truth is it was the weekend and I was drinking and that is one hell of a no, no with my condition because, well things get really fucked up in my mind. I mean honestly the truth needs to be told and I have no one else to tell but you guys. The where’s, whys and how’s of the situation are not important what is important is the fact that I lost control of my mouth and I let the landscape of my mind flow right out of my…… guys there was a whole lot of things going on at the time and I really don’t know how to explain all of this but I know I need to try.

 

Ok, so he had started smoking pot about age 14, I don’t condemn him and I asked him why one day while riding in the…. Aww geeez there is so much to this that I need a moment.

THE POINT IS?

Posted in Alters, Anger, Anxiety, Depression, DID, Friendship, Guilt, Questions, Uncategorized on April 6, 2017 by dankline2000

I have no friends, yet have no enemies either.

I have a job, yet never make enough to fully support myself.

I have a car, yet I have nowhere to go.

I have questions, yet receive no answers.

I pray to God, yet no path unfolds.

Is this the life for me? Do I stay at my job and feel as if I live on half ration for the rest of my life? Do I find a destination to drive my car to? Do I go in search of the answers I seek? Or do I wait and see if God has a path for me? All questions, yet unanswered. I was told I would be given the means to support myself 60 hours a pay period even if I had to file paperwork, I was told I could make as much as I wanted a salary, a percentage even, yet when I answered and said what I needed there was never a reply only silence. As for friends, they come and go with life like a breeze in the forest, there when you truly need them and just a whisper when you don’t. As for a place to drive I cannot go, you see the faith I put into my job is what keeps me inside the 10’-0”X12’-0” room I stay in. Never to go and see what wonders there are to be seen. Still no answers to the questions I seek, and yet not a path lay before me except to work my job, go to my meager room, to read, to watch movies and do nothing else. You see there are those who understand then there are those who think they understand, and then there are those who pretend only to get you to keep moving in the direction they want you to move.

In regards to a question…..

Posted in Alters, Anger, Guilt, ME, PTSD, Questions, Uncategorized on January 30, 2017 by dankline2000

Marieolivia (a reader of one of my posts Yes I do this….)

3 daysletsgetstartedbaby.wordpress.com

To me this sounds like not taking responsibility for your own life. So if no one else cares about you (or so you say) why don’t YOU care? Why don’t YOU give a shit about yourself? You also write that nothing changes, and nothing gets better, isn’t this a perfect example that cutting doesn’t help you either. It gives relief, and we need relief. We crave it desperately, but don’t delude yourself into thinking that cutting takes your problems away.

You asked your reader (in this instance me) where this leaves you. This leaves you with one hell of a job to get out of the funk. But you’re the only one that can do it. And it will never change before you decide that it will. I believe that you can change your life.

 

Thank you first of all for being so forthright and bluntly honest, I truly do appreciate this.

The questions you’re asking me about my post are not very easy to answer but then they just might be simpler than I think. No, I don’t take responsibility for my own life not anymore, reasons are not easy for me to explain but in the end, the truth is I just don’t. I have fucked it up beyond all recognition. No, I don’t give 2 shits about myself, but have you heard the saying that those who can’t do, teach? Guess you could say the same about myself, if I truly didn’t give 2 shits about myself shouldn’t I have done something about by now instead of bitch and complain? I tried; I tried really hard but just couldn’t do it. Change, now change is a scary subject for me. The issue is I have tried to change only to end up right back where I started. You know what this is the same old drivel and dumbass shite that I have been writing about since I started this blog.

So I will take your advice MarieOlivia, where does this leave me?

Weary…..

Posted in Alters, Anger, Anxiety, Depression, DID, Loss, PTSD, Questions, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on September 9, 2013 by dankline2000

imagesI grow weary of things left unsaid, of thoughts not finished, of words that need spoken. I grow weary of wandering thoughts and feelings of unsatisfactory conclusions. I see in all things not only the truth but of half lies only told to be heard. I feel in all things no hope but only of promises half remembered. Often said things of grace and love pass through unheard, unfelt and never learned. To have, to hold, to yearn, to love but never to be done. The world itself shatters with the barest whispers heard, words unspoken collapse upon each other with no meaning. Is there no hope left, is there no tomorrow’s, there is only now, only today, there is no future.

A question if you will…..

Posted in Questions on June 19, 2013 by dankline2000

I wanted to ask all of you a question, along with the question are some stipulations about the answer. Ok first the question, if you had enough money to buy the one thing in this world you wanted, wait lets use the word desired instead, what would it be?
Ok now the stipulations, most of us would answer a new house or a new car and that is fine but what kind of house would it be, what make, year and model of car would it be. Your answer can be anything at all, but what would it be, a first edition book, a great work of art, I think you get the idea of what I am asking, so what is it?
I have found this question to be very hard to answer and have yet to come up with my own answer, but I will and I will post it in my replies.